This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Well, this was a doozy of topic consumption that runs the gambit of branching segment pieces and then some but it all relates so let me string this sandwich together. Last night, I happened to stumble upon a contest on Twitter where Kraft is seeking the "King of Mayo." After you know, a hearty laugh and shaking my head in disbelief, I alerted Angi and Abe for morning consumption (it was late.) After seeing it, Abe was initially against becoming a Mayo Endorser for some reason. I'm not entirely sure why because winning would pay him $10,000 (think of all the Dogecoin he can buy and lose with that.) After a small contemplation (aka dollar signs falling into where his eyes should be, he changed his mind.) The issue had been it wasn't his particular brand of mayo but free money is free. Besides one of his favorite actors and boys on his list of hot dudes, Matthew McCoughnhey will endorse anything, why won't he? Hell, Abe would even endorse mustard, which Angi loves mind you. This discussion of mayo led into another food related topic, which is that today is National Eat What You Want Day. Is there something you personally would eat every day if there was no consequence to it? Abe's would be a colossal Jersey Mike's sandwich with extra mayo. Angi's pick was pasta. Before getting into the pasta insanity that followed, I'd pick mozzarella sticks. Anyway, Abe was confused when Angi mentioned pasta because in his mind, pasta is good for you (yep.) Angi explained it's not and Abe was wondering if it was because Angi is eating an entire pot of it. He seriously believed that the past was good for him. As for pasta, Alfredo is his go to. According to Abe (hold for laughter) Alfredo is better for you. Anyway, after you're done wheezing, Angi gave the list of a few things people love to shovel down their gullet troff. Chips, cake, doughnuts, fries, chocolate, tacos, burgers and pizza are just some of the list or as I look at it, basically everything that tastes good. Angi and Abe agreed as they said that list looked basically like what they had been eating regularly during lockdown as is. Roadie Brian calle in to discuss that he assumed pasta was good for you as well, at least he assumed. Because of this, his go to was also chicken alfredo. Scientist Angi explained that the sauce is bad and the carbs are nuts, you're a ticking time bomb with this one. This could have led to a point about dying which is why I'm assuming Abe discussed the time he almost died from eating an Abefrado which is a deep dish pizza covered in alfredo sauce. He started choking while eating it and was luckily able to reach down his throat and get the piece out. Had he not been able to do that, the question of would he heimlich himself off the countertop came up? Obviously he would have tried, so would have Brian, who was still on the line. Angi btw was trying to keep from vomiting as Abe discussed the sea of alfredo that the deep dish pizza was drowned in. The choking bit led to Abe explaining that he did not want to die in an embarrassing way. For example, if he died eating a slice of pizza, he would be so embarrassed. He wouldn't care who found him, the shame would linger but it would be worse if it was Angi cause she would have taken pics. This discussion led to Abe being reborn as Mama Abe Kass, as they explored whether or not Mama Kass actually died choking on a ham sandwich (urban legend.) They explored if Elvis died on the toilet after he ate an alfredo deep dish pizza. Regardless of what happens, Angi will now tell everyone that this disgusting pizza is how Abe died. Brian said that Abe should probably go for the mayo enforcer job (yes, he was still there at this point.) Since they were asking him questions that no one in their right mind could reasonably answer, Brian was redubbed Brain from Ravenswood. He used to work at a Planetarium in Jersey City and was responsible for creating their light shows. This segment finally ended with Abe entering the mayo enforcer contest.
All the Rest:
So we had two segments today about TV shows and I figured they make the perfect bread for the discussion topic meat. It started with Angi saying that he had a show for Angi calledLove After Lockup. Bringing this up also had to do with a deep rooted curiosity for Abe, which was attempting to figure out how the people on the show ended up hooking up. He was curious as to whether or not there is some kind of website you can go on to find prison relationships. He then wondered if any of the roadies had ever written a letter to a person in jail. Angi went on to explain how wife murderer and prison hottie Scott Peterson gets tons of jail mail from girls who probably want to be choked and stuffed in a barrel. They moved onto Making a Murderer next, where they are both convinced that Stephen did do the murder but not the other guy (I didn't watch it so don't blame me for not knowing what I'm talking about here.) Anyway, that pair gets a ton of groupies as well, something about jail just gets people going. While investigating, they discovered what I'll assume is Angi's favorite new websitewriteaprisoner.com. Abe and Angi looked through the site, seeking out hot girls that were posted up on there. Almost all of them were bisexual and a ton were on there for dealing meth. Other noteworthy crimes included kidnapping, organized crime, cocaine possession, forged documents, you name it. One that stood out was Mayla from Indiana, they wondered if anyone in the audience knew her. While Abe continued to look for more hot girls "for the listeners," Angi wondered if she could find prison boyfriend Nightmare there. Wait a second, do they have the internet in prison? Abe wondered aloud. Angi explained they probably have email but not a full service thing that allows them to go on say Reddit or Buzzfeed. Abe then suggested there should be a Myspace for prisoners (I smell another angling for the Kanan Kollection branding.) They finished on a foodie, Jared the child raping, sub shilling, porn dubbing creep of a spokesman who should end up rotting in hell.
As for the meat of our usual daily sandwich, the daily discussion is usually my filler. However, since today was so foody, it falls here for now. So Melinda Gates found out that Bill had been partying on Epstein's private pedo jet and she was like see ya. Once the divorce was filed, she was handed a sweet 1.8 billion dollars. This led to Angi asking an interesting question, what's the first thing you would do if you found yourself flush with 1.8 billion dollars. Speaking for Melinda (sure Abe,) he said that he would run out and be banging massive dudes. Jason Maoma, Khalil Mack, no guy would be safe. Angi got in on this as well, something about letting the Lakers run a train on her. Abe said he would just end up going to Vegas (and probably would die at a buffet I'm assuming.) Angi would pay all her bills and the like off, she would put away millions for her daughter and then after that it's time to go hooker and blow crazy. She would just go nuts, Vegas, getting on a yacht having P. Diddy pour champagne on her breasts, maybe hit up Monte Carlo or get a yacht in the South of France. She would also end up playing million dollar hands of blackjack. She probably would do well with this btw because on her blackjack app that has imaginary money, she is a billionaire already and she's dumping 15 million dollar hands. Enough of these two and their nonsense, lets go to the roadies and see what they have to say. Head Roadie Glenn said he would change his name and leave the country. He would bang a bunch of BBW's, go to Hawaii and probably do a ton of yayo. Abe chimed in that he would probably build a fortress (to keep those pesky poor's out.) He also added the great useless fact that most people who win the lotto end up dead. Roadie Jake told his wife that he would give her 100 million dollars for herself and the kids and he'd be out. Then off to Jamaica he'd go with his boys where he would smoke tons of weed (and probably do coke and then meth.) Disgusting Pig Trucker Jim (whose number I hope they blocked) said he would go to a ton of Red Light districts with friends and would use Epstein's plane to get there. Enraged and disgusted, Angi immediately dismissed this jackass because she will not have that Epstein talk trash on her show. As for me, if I were to win, I'd take care of a ton of people and then just disappear away in a house and only make random public appearances (which would be done via stunt double, I know the target is on my back the moment I win.)
Finally, back onto one more TV show before I close out today's notes. This was about TheQueen of Meth, a show on Discovery Plus. Angi claims that this is the best $5 she spends a month, she is absolutely obsessed with it. Anyway, it turns out theQueen of Methis Tom Arnold's sister, she was a huge drug dealer. In her prime, she was making $200,000 a year. For some reason, human calculator Abe malfunctioned and assumed this was on a million dollars a year. Anyway, Tom Arnold feels that her story is super compelling and would make for a greatBreaking Badtype show. In his head, he's so in tune with the idea, he wants Margot Robbie to play her on the show. It was suggested by the pair this is obviously a slap in the face type of insult. Anyway, Angi is dying to watch the show but she hasn't had time. Unfortunately for her, she is too busy watchingPawn Starsinstead. Speaking ofPawn Stars, Chum Lee has a candy store in Vegas now as well. Since Angi is going to Vegas this weekend, she is hoping to visit bothPawn Starsand Chum Lee's candy store. In fact, The Beard of Knowledge is going to be at the pawn shop on Saturday and Angi can barely contain her excitement. So much show, she ended up doing a bunch of impressions as this section ended.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Trystann
Challenger Song Choice: "Stillborn"
Champion Song Choice: "Holy Diver"
Observation: Mother jokes (yawn) and barely any real smack talk. This was boring and just bad, not super impressive for someone who is close to touching the sun that is King Mario's run.
Winner: Zack
The 8:30 Call Out:
Angi called out a massage app and they didn't show for her Mother's Day massage.
Abe called out people who have bookshelves.
Amanda called out guys who use the phrase "girl dad."
Ferrari called out his daughter for graduating college on Saturday. His son graduates high school this Sunday.
10 o' Clock Toast:
Ben Affleck. Still looks good even though he's a mess and now he's back with J-Lo.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "I always pull my boobs out for funerals, it's respect." - Angi
Quote: "You can't wear a jersey of someone younger than you." -Abe
Quote: "Our dads left. Look at us, we turned out fine." - Angi
Quote: "Nobody rereads enough books that constitute a bookshelf." - Angi
Quote: "I feel like you've (Angi) been skunked before." - Abe