This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
So, today was my second covid shot and so, outside of celebrating the ability to have a life again, it also inspired me to use this point as my main topic of the day. Angi was back at it yet again with the statistics and this one involved the fact that life is finally coming back online. Since a lot of people are getting vaccinated, it means going back to work is something most of us will have to endure. So what Angi was curious about this morning involved work. To be more specific, if you happen to work in an office, do you not want to go back? Angi was genuinely curious because according to a new survey, 80% don't. On top of that, 1 in 3 people think that their performance and quality of work has been better while from home. 1 in 3 also agree that they are better able to focus while working from home. Angi, a woman made of tin and a hater, does not find this acceptable. She hates working from home, she hates Zoom meetings, she clearly hates laying on her stomach while working. Unlike Angi, Abe gets it and completely understands why people would rather be working from home than in the office. Roadie Jen said that she gets more time with her kids at home and of course she can drink at work when working from home. Cecilia is actually back in her office now and for her, it meant 45 minutes of wasted driving dismissed. She also felt that her productivity was better overall as well. The company believed that people were slacking and because she lacked a webcam, they said that she needed to get her ass back into the office. Now that's she back, she absolutely hates it and it should be noted that her whole office was dragged back with her. Abe asked Angi if she'd rather work straight away in the office or be able to work from home but have a camera on her all day. The office, she is not fond of home, like she had already said. Angi also pointed out how jeans are the window to our secret fat shame souls because with all this time home, we've been packing on the covid 40...50...80...etc. To cap this point off, Angi explained that pants sales are absolutely exploding nowadays (pun intended.) At home, there was no need for pants so during the pandemic, tops and shirts were the big winner in the money making department because that was all you needed to look presentable. The irony of all this is of course that when Angi gets the new studio, it will be exactly like the dungeon that she's screaming about being forced to slave into at home.
All the Rest:
As I tend to do every Monday and even though there might be another relevant topic I'm covering up with this mess, here's what I like to call the weekend roundup. As we know, it was Mother's Day weekend so that was supposed to be the biggest topic but instead, it was the wake for my dead best friend Victor (aka Chenzo) that would become a major topic on the show today. Angi, Abe and myself all attended the wake together but that is a topic that will get its own space below. Instead of discussing that here, let's talk about Abe making a tomahawk steak and lobster on the grill for his mother on Mother's Day. Because the steak was such an absolute behemoth piece of meat, Abe ended up eating most of it for his mother. It was apparently 256 ounces and looked something like they would get on The Flintstones I'd assume. Angi dipped her weekend toe into discussing SNL, which was hosted by noted asperger crypto king Elon Musk. It should be noted that Abe spent a moment here attempting to dissect what aspergers is. She said that outside of the weird opening monologue, the whole thing was not that bad. I have to question Angi's taste level as she also made the choice to not wear a trash bag to the wake (see below) and SNL has not been good in about 30 years so to say it was okay is suspect. Her favorite skit involved sending BDE advocate and annoying man child Pete Davidson's idiot bro character Chad to The Moon. The real reason though I think Angi decided to discuss this mess was so she could dig into Weekend Update, which had a bit on Abe's favorite thing in the world Dogecoin. At the mere utterance of those words, Abe slid into doom and gloom, complaining that he wanted it to die. Abe then seriously rallied against Dogecoin, he wants it killed with fire and the ashes buried in hell. He of course is mad because he had bought it at 5 cents and now as it rises daily sometimes, it kills him inside. He seems to do this with all things he bets on and as it is with those things, he is being stabbed little by little and slowly dying due to jumping too early. He seriously had a lot of it and now the fury that it inspires is something to be reckoned with.
Since Angi is getting called out in the next section of my notes, it would only be fitting that I use this part of the notes to attack men aka Angi's favorite thing to do it seems. Guess what guys, you are not the masters of seduction that you think you are. She decided today would be the perfect day to tell guys things that they do that aren't attractive. First out of the gate, male nudity. Apparently, sending dong pics is not cute and dudes should not be sending them in DM's. I want to take a moment here to dismiss this nonsense because I want all the dongs sent to my DM's, ignore this silly bitch and her dumb comment. Another thing you shouldn't do, don't talk about other dudes (or chicks for that matter) in a bad way. Never call your ex crazy because that's a red flag showcasing that there's clearly something wrong with you (I don't agree with this btw, dead best friend was amazing and his last ex needed a restraining order cause she was bonkers.) In fact, don't mention your ex at all, no one cares nor do they want to hear about it. Don't mention being horny all the time, we get it and it's nothing new, special or worth addressing. Not being able to do basic things like cooking or housework, women want to be your girlfriend, not your mom. Loading up on cologne, jewelery, body spray, you seem stupid. Persisting when you're told no, if it happens, let it go. Dude's at the gym who love to show themselves off in the mirror and film it, you look like a loser (I know that guy.) Truck nuts apparently are also something that make you seem like a dope. Abe's big push point was the gym thing. Just yesterday he saw a guy being filmed lifting by his girl and pretending he didn't notice. Stop with the talcum powder and checking out chicks 9 guys deep at the gym as well. After winning Request Wars today, Trystann threw her thoughts to the pool. She is not digging those idiots who spend a billion dollars on making their own car. Like it's a dumb hobby when you end up with 6 of them sitting on your front lawn with cinder blocks holding them up.
Finally, the best is saved for last, Angi going to a wake with me on Friday. As I said last week, my best friend died suddenly on Sunday. He was also a friend of not only the show but Angi and Abe outside of it. It began when Abe asked Angi if she went to the club on Friday night. She wore a hot black dress and leather boots, Abe was floored by it being her mourning outfit. Angi explained how when we were sitting outside, she started to look for a bar for us to go to. Now that covid restrictions were starting to lift, Angi felt compelled to go celebrate his life. The thing was during covid, Angi's daughter's grandfather died and her daughter couldn't even go to it. Abe went back at it, wondering if she was dressed to go out. He had suggested that she should have been wearing a garbage bag and not a tight skirt and thigh high boots. Angi explained that Abe wasn't wearing a garbage bag, just all black. He wore a coat but not dress clothes, so she went back at him. She did dress to impress my dead friend, she looked hot and he would have loved it. Abe had found an idea in this in wondering why there's no bar inside the funeral parlor. Yet another Kanan Kollective business idea, funeral home bars. Angi wants her wake to be out of control, fun, interesting, cocaine, people banging in the bathrooms, a full on party. Abe's idea for his coffin attire would be to be dressed like Russell Crowe from Gladiator or Leonidas from 300 with the mask on. Abe added that he wanted her in her whore outfit at his wake. Abe and Angi then argued over who of the pair will die first, his filled with mayo bombs or hers filled with drug and dong pollution. As we came back, Abe argued that Angi looked like she was going to Crobar to take drugs and dongs after the wake. Angi complained that it was respectful Chanel leather and that Abe needs to deal with it. Head Roadie Glenn checked in saying he needed her to give his eulogy in that outfit. Angi then compared herself to Jackie O (Jackie Ho,) and that she was being respectful. Abe suggested she should have been in a Hillary Clinton pantsuit. It kept going on and ended with Angi mentioning how dearly departed Chenzo wanted to motorboat her and she would have done it to his corpse if it wasn't disrespectful toward the family. Have I mentioned how much I absolutely love this woman.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Trystann
Challenger Song Choice: "Bat Country"
Champion Song Choice: "Detroit Rock City"
Observation: This may have been the best round of Request Wars I've ever heard and not because of the smack talk. Yosenia's jitterbug phone created such an amazing moment of absolute hilarity that I would vote for her on that alone but I think Trystann takes this one.
Winner: Trystann
The 8:30 Call Out (Tawny Kitane Edition):
Who was your childhood crush?
Abe's crush was Alica Silverstone, Topanga from Boy Meets World, Kelly from Saved by the Bell and of course, Stamos.
Angi's crush was Willis from Different Strokes, Jordan Knight, Ivan Drago and Bridgette Neilsen
Chad's crush was every girl onBaywatch, definitely Pam Anderson if he had to pick one.
Jeff's crush was Heather Thomas
Francey's crush was Eminem
Blind Cindy's crush was Joan Jett
10 o' Clock Toast:
RIP Tawny Kitane. Pour one out for a lot of people's first crush and someone Angi looked up to.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "Investing is for people who have lots of extra income." - Abe
Quote: "Let's be real, all the Kentucky Derby horses are jacked up on roids." - Abe
Quote: "Shouldn't you be wearing a garbage bag at a wake?" - Abe
Quote: "The skin flute and the hand saw." - Abe
Quote: "I dont dump first of all ... girls dont poop." - Angi
Quote: "If you want your to bang when he's very young, send him to some camp."