This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
I don't want to alarm anyone but our dear sweet Angi is not long for this world (I feel like I make this post at least twice a week.) However, it seems fate is not out to wack are beloved morning mistress, instead it is an even more unsuspecting person who seeks to do her in. Beloved show husband and all around good guy Jay the Straight might actually be a secret murderer. In what can only be described as a woman who watches too many true crime documentaries, it seems that we're about to get our own Dateline episode. That's right, Jay the Straight is apparently looking to do in Angi, at least that's how it seems. You see, he is very forgetful, be it either cause of all the weed or the early onset (which seems rampant in that household.) He bought himself a vintage car and keeps it in the garage because well, Angi lives in a neighborhood where people could go missing and people might not notice. When he first got the car, he would keep forgetting to turn the lights off so he was always draining the battery. To remedy this, he hung up a sign in the garage that says
"Hey Jason,
Turn off the lights dumbass.
Love
Jason."
With that situation remedied, he has a new issue that has arisen. When he leaves for work, he keeps forgetting to close the garage door. The question being opened though is whether or not this is a ruse and he's actually leaving it open to let a murderer in. When she comes home from work at 1 in the afternoon, the garage door is wide open and that's frightening. This is not an isolated incident and has happened at least three times in the last few weeks. Keep in mind, there is stuff worth stealing in the garage and it also leads into the house. In fact, when Angi first moved in their bikes were stolen right out of their front yard. This all seems to make sense to Abe, who calls her block sketchy (and explains why he skipped buying the condo across the street.) Abe said he should just park on the street, that would remedy all of this. Of course, as explained earlier, he can't do that, they'll probably strip the car for parts. So for now, Angi is just going to have to start carrying a bigger knife in her purse just in case someone is waiting for her inside the house. If anything does go wrong though, at least we have the show audio and these notes for the interview. I always assumed I would end up on TV being murdered by my roommate, thankfully I'll be on there getting interviewed now instead!
All the Rest:
You guys, if Angi does not die I have to be the bearer of bad news Pt. 2. You see, this morning Angi discussed something incredible, apparently Manhattan has become the hot new place to visit. Why, because Manhattan is no longer processing prostitution and hand massages. As soon as news of this broke, Robert Kraft actually bought several town houses. Anyway, the entire system there just does not care anymore, allowing for more than 7,000 offenses to be wiped off the legal record books. All this talk made Abe ponder if RubMaps was still a thing (probably because if it isn't, he's getting an idea for a new business venture.) I should probably point out btw that prostitution and rubbies are not considered legal, instead of fining you, they will send you for consoling. This led to talk of local hookers, with a search being tossed out to see if any in our area intended to move because of this breaking news. Now, I know I mentioned that in the beginning of this, this was bad news Pt. 2. The reason for this is because I had an idea that I've pitched to Angi. Her, myself and Abe, we move to Manhattan and open a brother. The Kanan Koral, filled to the brim with the hottest hooker beef in New York. Angi would take on her destined role of den mother, I would teach these whores posture and form and Abe, well he'd be the doorman and hired muscle to make sure business is taken care of if the johns get out of line. If you don't hear the show next week, you'll know where to find us.
In today's main discussion topic, I decided to not use it as my main point because I don't feel it would translate well into text. This was all about a list of common phrases or words that people pronounce long and it drives you nuts. So for example, people say "expresso" even though it's "espresso." "For all intensive purposes" - "For all intents and purposes." These are things people like to say because it makes them sound so smart but they end up looking like morons. "Life took a total 360" - "Life took a total 180." "Butt naked" - "Buck naked." "Nip it in the butt" - "Nip it in the bud." Angi takes offense when they say "Illinoise" and not "Illinois." "Frontroom" became another big sticking point, as it should be "Front room," which in itself doesn't make sense according to Abe. "Poetatoes" - "Potatoes." "Warsh" - "Wash." "Pamaler" - "Pamela." Turning to the roadies, Jamie had a great one "Cadillac convertor" should be "Catalytic convertor." Abe went on to mention that he has had 2 of his stolen along with one of his cars (welcome to Chicago bitch!) Savo hates when people say "breakfass" and not "breakfast." Tyler wants to not drink "malk," he wants "milk." Angi slid in that her family always called it "malk" but then again, their English was garbage. Angi's family also used to say "bedrum" instead of "bedroom." Matt has issues with "cranyon" when it should be "crayon." To finish this, Abe went on to say he hates when Angi says "ant" and not "aunt."
Finally, I know it's Chainsaw Friday and we should be ending on a fun note but you know what, let's cap this with something important. Angi has always been very vocal about her mental health struggles and in doing so, she's looking to spread awareness and normalize the conversation. There is such a stigma in our society discussing things that our beloved Angi suffers from like anxiety, depression and PTSD that having a platform like this is important in sharing and showcasing. Head Roadie Sandy made Angi aware of a girl named Morgan from La Grange, who was kicked off her hockey team when she told her coach she was struggling with mental health. Angi invited Morgan on to share her story as people struggle with mental health and it is hard to share sometimes. This girl is everywhere btw so for her to take the time to share her story on the show is great. Morgan was a hockey player on a team and her mental health struggles hit a peak and she was in need of a bit of reprieve when her medication changed. When joining a particular outpatient program, she was going to need some time off so she spoke to her coach. He was extremely supportive at the time but this a-hole called her mom the next day to report she was tossed off the team. He told her that she was considered a danger because of her depression. Due to his inability to understand mental health, he felt removing her all together made more sense. He felt that her mental health issue would also be a burden on her teammates (wtf!) To make things worse, he sent a letter to all the other parents (and excluded Morgan's mom) announcing her condition and spilling the tea on her problems. Angi was shocked and explained that these are things that no one talks about and that it is important to have a dialogue about them. Morgan is seeking to just inform everyone that they are not alone and there's a chance at some point in their life, they can have a mental health crisis. Because we can't have a segment not include some form of ridiculousness, Abe asked if he could be shot a one timer. Anyway, if you're struggling or you have any kind of mental health crisis, know that it is okay to express it and not repress it. Do not allow yourself to be part of a society that refuses to see problems, speak up and be heard, do some good in this sometimes awful world.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Megan
Challenger Song Choice: "Black Hole Sun"
Champion Song Choice: "Bodies"
Observation: Hot damn these bitches were out of control, get the fire department on the line, open up the goddamn burn ward and somebody fetch me a fan. This was brutal, this was stinky, this was all we could have wanted and more. Song choice imo will dictate the winner but this was blazing.
Winner: Jamie
10 o' Clock Toast:
Morgan Urso. She's a 15 year old mental health advocate.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "Are there any hookers or escorts listening? I wanna find out if you're moving to Manhattan." - Angi
Quote: "Back then he was very old, didn't you die at like 9 back then?" - Abe
Quote: "There's a couple of things I love in life, a free spread of food...." - Abe
Quote: "If it wasn't for gambling, I wouldn't watch most sports." Abe
Quote: "Like, I'm getting a 20 inch something" - Angi the Whore Talyor
Quote: "Where is the rub and tug queen, is she out in the parking lot doing a job?" - Minn Barb