This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
With a name like Corpse Grinder, you would think that the lead singer of Cannibal Corpse is a 13 year old fan of Marilyn Manson. However, it turns out that Corpse Grinder (just typing that makes me feel stupid) has an amazing hidden talent. He is outstanding at playing claw machines, those stupid arcade fixtures meant to steal all your hard earned quarters. In fact, he's so good that he will play them and essentially clear them out and in turn, donate all the prizes to kids. Okay, I have to admit that it is pretty awesome even if I can't overlook the name. That said, I'm not entirely sure you would find him on FOX's showGame of Talent's, where people guess the dumb talents guests have based on looks alone. Being realistic though, I'm sure if we checked into the roadie pool, we could find some amazing, hidden weird talents. That's where Angi planted her daily discussion flag this morning, looking to hear from the roadies what their hidden talents were. As always, Angi and Abe contributed and both have outstanding hidden talents (this is sarcasm btw, which doesn't translate well into written wordplay.) Angi, well she actually has two. First, she can tie a cherry stem with her tongue (like most girls who bartend or do some of the stuff she has behind dumpsters.) The other, more important talent that is truly astounding will shock and surprise you. This one has a hidden power to tell when people are pregnant. I know you're curious and though a magician never reveals their secrets, Angi let us in on how it works. She simply hands someone alcohol and if they decline it, boom, they are pregnant. Simply magical that talent is. As for Abe, he has two as well. First, he can destroy Mike Tyson inPunch Out. At 16, he literally beat him like 60 times, such talent. Also, Abe can change a tire faster than anyone on the South and West sides. Christ, how is it that he is just working at a radio station and not running around making money doing all this cool stuff. Turning to the roadies, Kevin has the ability to tell time without a watch (yeah, so does anyone else with a phone as well.) Roadie Debbie, she can touch her tongue to her nose. I mean, I feel embarrassed to say mine after all these but whatever. Me, I can talk a verbal minced up word salad of utter stupidity and insanity and turn it into well received notes.
All the Rest:
An interesting point, did you know that all of the Joliet police force listens to the show? Here's the thing though, Joliet is also a literal dump. Consider it the hellmouth upon which land sits that is filled with crack, crack houses and dumpster fires. Seriously, Joliet is a literal hellhole and no one should want to live there. In fact, you should only go there to visit their casinos, keyword visit, not stay if possible. Angi was not on board with any of this and thought all about escape, that's it. Anyway, this trash talk throw round was made a point of so we could get to a question. If you were to move, what would you miss most about your town? As things moved on the topic kind of altered into what do you hate about your town, why does it suck so much. For example, Gary is a literal murder hole, like there's boards that essentially say "get out" when you drive by them. Avoid Gary at all costs, it's another nightmare scenario. Roadie Becky jumped in to make a point that Joliet is pronounced "toilet" for a reason, it's a crack haven dumpster. She also added that Channahon stinks really bad and no one is entirely sure why. Like it's only early in the morning and it just smells disgusting and rotten. Speaking of smells, Abe added in about driving past that factory on the expressway where leather is made and how bad that place smells. Lastly, Casper checked in to say that he hates Elgin because it's like playing hopscotch with potholes but something occurred that made him change his disgust. Instead, it went to the car that broke down in front of him and the person literally just got out and walked away, leaving the car there for the sake.
Since it's 420, Angi found us a great topic to talk about when you're in an altered state. That's right, she got us out a list of the number 1 drunk fast food joints in all 50 states. Sure, it's not pot but close enough right as this will lead to some kind of booze/weed crossover surely. Plus it involves Google searches on the most hammered days of the year so there's no way of actually knowing whether or not mary jane was involved. Now that we got that out of the way, let's take a look at the top 5. 1. McDonald's (which Abe found shocking,) 2. Burger King, 3. Wendy's, 4. Waffle House and 5. Jack in the Box. The main omission here in my mind is White Castle, which is the one food that we found ourselves getting whenever we were wrecked out of our skulls. Abe added in another, Huck Finn or as it's known by frequenters, Huckies! How that is not number 1 in Chicago astounds him but not as much as Angi revealing that she's never been to Huck Finn's before. Sure, Abe was shocked but I was even more so as we spent almost all of our 20's and early 30's doing 4 A.M. Huckie runs. Abe went on to really sell how great it is, the tire sized doughnuts, people passed out in their food and throwing up on all of the tables. Other stand out places were Wyoming which chose Taco Bell as their number 1. Cali is utterly in love with In N' Out. Texas loves themselves some Whataburger. As Alaska, they love Denny's, mainly because it's the only restaurant they have probably. Denny's is also number 1 with Tiger Woods, who loves to go there and bang the pig hostesses.
Finally, we were once again taken down an Abe Kanan worm hole where he begged the roadies to do him a solid. That's right, yet again Abe needs a favor from us and it's one that will sound familiar. That's right, Abe is still blocked by Frank Thomas and he is dying to be unblocked. Angi though had finally had enough of all this and decided to take matters into her own hands. After goofing on Abe, she sent her own tweet to Frank, which she goofed on Abe's whining, called him a bitch and asked Frank to follow her instead. Abe is obviously devastated by all of this as he is the one who has been promoting Frank's new show and talks about him all the time. However, Angi has another offer up her sleeve and even offered to show Frank her boobs if he follows her and continues to keep Abe blocked. Roadie Tony called in to offer Abe a joint to ease his troubled mind. If you are willing to help Abe out with this silly crusade of Twitter salvation, feel free to check out the FB group or the podcast to get an idea of what you should tweet out to hopefully stop this insanity.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Jeff
Challenger Song Choice: "Break Stuff"
Champion Song Choice: "Caught Up in You"
Observation: I mean, I personally thought Tyler was taking it with the stoned and all around bit better smack talk but Jeff survives again. Who cares about that though because tomm we get brother vs. sister wars which will hopefully be better than the brodown from the other day.
Winner: Jeff
The 8:30 Call Out:
Jennifer called out her sister Kathy for telling their mom that she's a giant pothead.
Ralph called out his boss Rob for keeping him employed even though he's had a few screwups.
Zach called out Abe for throwing him under the bus to the devil aka his sister Megan.
Xavier called out his boss for being better than Ralph's boss.
10 o' Clock Toast:
Frank Thomas. He is loved and she doesn't know why she blocked Abe. In fact, she tweeted him to "unblock" Abe.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "I never ask for anything ever, right?" - Abe
Quote: "You (Angi) are the blindest person ever, you should get LASIK or 7 pairs of glasses." - Abe
Quote: "Why do rockers always like little girls?" - Abe
Quote: "Thanks for being with us on the angi taylor show, we're idiots." - Angi
New Head Roadie Alert! Congrats Jordan, Head Roadie of Edibles
New Head Roadie Alert! Congrats Pat, Head Roadie of Grass