This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Points:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
It is cold, it is wet, it's damp. There's plenty of things that I could be referring to at this point but I'm clearly talking about outside right now. Yeah, Spring has almost sprung but before it comes forward with better weather, one more day of trash to make this day feel extra sleepy.
Angi has done it again, up to her old tricks once more in an attempt to ruin Abe's life. Seeing as she's worked in the iHeart building for 39 years (allegedly,) she knows the place inside out. Abe, the young twink that he is, is new here and only knows a few people. He has been trying to go out and meet the workers. Correction, the food workers who are there to provide him his daily sustenance. It all started as an issue though when Angi shamed him at Potbelly, which ruined Abe's relationship with Brandon and he can no longer go there. Yesterday Abe decided to venture to the Greek restaurant downstairs and Angi tagged along. Once there, Angi got a bit mouthy about the mayo and the lady working was not having it. She was pissed and of course, there is a video of it (check out our Facebook group, Twitter or Instagram of the show to see it.) Once gone, the lady rallied against Angi but Abe defended her. She complained about Angi being on a diet and then said that everyone is on a diet. Either way, she ended up giving Abe this amazing sandwich covered in mayo but the damage is done, he can no longer go there to eat. He's been humiliated and if you know Abe, that means it's dead and buried. This also led into a story about Abe at Jimmy Johns, where he was waiting in the cold to get a sandwich because they weren't open. He discovered a loophole but was then yelled at for trying to get in before the 11 o' clock opening. Angi suggested maybe the guy was yelling because he thought Abe was cute. He couldn't be convinced though and so yet another place for Abe to eat has fallen.
As stated it is a gloomy day outside and that allows repressed feelings to claw their way forward. Angi was definitely feeling that when she posed this I'm assuming. Is there a celebrity who has an absolutely punchable face? This was our first of two big topics questions that got dropped this morning and the answers were surprising but also understandable. Abe began by saying there's a ton of radio guys who he'd love to punch in the face but he pushed those thoughts aside. If he was forced to pick a celebrity, for Abe it has to be Rachel Ray's husband, whose name Abe doesn't even know. He's a guy who looks like Rachel Ray with a beard so I'm assuming that punching him gives the double bonus that you'd be technically punching Rachel Ray in the face as well. Angi seconded this and finds him annoying, so he should be ready for a face pounding. As for Angi's choice, she wants a double fisting of Perez Hilton and Guy Fieri. Perez makes sense, he's a complete tool. As for Guy, that hair, those Ed Hardy clothes, everything about him screams "hit me please." Before jumping into the roadies picks, Angi picked Taylor Swift which caused original Jay the Gay, Jason Brown, to quiver and faint for a moment. Laurie called to say she was originally considering punching Mitch Trubinsky but now she's moved on to that red haired freak Andy Dalton. Ironically, she's more than likely not alone in this pick as half the city probably feels this way. Dave picked Adam Levine, which Angi and Abe both whole heartedly agreed upon. Debbie said Jeff Bezos because he looks like a weasel. Head Roadie Jim's picks were Trevor Noah and Sydney Crosby. On behalf of Gavin Rossdale, Angi offered to punch Blake Shelton in the face. Head Roadie Kevin said Kid Rock deserved it as he looks like someone who sells cigarettes to middle schoolers. Roadie Eric said Nicholas Cage deserved a thrashing for looking some pompous and arrogant. Chris called to say that Ryan Pace, not Dalton, deserves the face punching. Abe offered to jump in so he could work over the mugs of the McCaskey sons. My roommate Vinchenzo said Taylor Swift needs that punch because "that bitch is airing all her exes' deets and dirty laundry in her awful songs." Someone should check on Jason Brown again to make sure he hasn't had a stroke. As for my offerings, I have 3. Start with Lebron James, he's so smug and such a big goddamn crybaby. Move on to Justin Bieber because that is the most punchable face I've ever seen. Cap it off by me punching (and I can cause I'm gay,) Meghan Markle because she seems so fake and just awful I'd love to smash her nose in.
Finally, a friend of Angi's is having a baby and she was trying to think of a good gift. The thing was the registry was completely sold out and she missed the shower when it occurred. What does any of this have to do with what the point of this whole little section, nothing really. Anyway, this is all about naming, as in having friends who wanted to name their kid Dulce until the father stepped in and stepped on the idea. This got Angi thinking, were you going to be named something different or did you want to use a different name than picked for your own child? Angi should have been named Tanja if the way was had. Tanja Taylor, lived in a trailer park, was a party hard girl, eventually became a fake boobed stripper. Well, 2 and a 1/2 of the three ended up happening regardless. Abe could have been Joey if his mother had her way. Instead, poor Joey Kanan became Abraham after he was named after his father. Since Abe has no intention of having kids, if he was to get a dog he would call it Maximus Meridius Decimus blah blah blah. Before turning to the phones, Angi revealed a piece of rock trivia. Did you know that Joan Jett's original name was going to be Fighter ... Fighter Jett ... (rim shot.) Roadie Chris called in to reveal that honest to god, his cousin's name is Tanja Taylor. We did not get to investigate whether or not she was a drunk slut though. Rich (Richard) called in to say his name was almost Bobby, his last name is Sock. Bobby Sock, christ that's good but not as good as his actual name Richard Sock, that's right he's a Dick Sock. To finish it off, Head Roadie Ferrari checked in to say that he wanted to name his son Anthony Guido Ferrari (amazing,) that was shot down. He then picked Vincent James Ferrari (rockstar,) and still got a nope. Instead he settled on Kevin Dale Ferrari Jr. (awwww.)
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Eric (2x)
Challenger Song Choice: "Girls, Girls, Girls"
Champion Song Choice: "Battery"
Observation: When we could actually hear the smack talk, it was quite decent. That said, back to mother jokes, sigh. I think this is a choice of heavy song vs already played to death and there's an easy clear winner.
Winner: Eric
Other Topics:
This morning, Angi "Perpetual Danger" Taylor was almost lured to her death yet again. In case you're new or you've forgotten, somehow Angi continually finds herself in near death situations on an almost daily basis. Today was no different only this time the culprit played to her weakness. When she drove in, she noticed an unopened bottle of champagne sitting in an empty parking spot. Tempted but too smart for the trick, she decided against picking it up. What she didn't notice was the rope that was holding up the exaggerated ACME anvil that was dangling above it, just waiting for her to grab it. The question is, who would want to kill Angi? It's clearly not the listeners, they just want to stalk her or hit on her. It's hard to think of someone in the building with a death wish toward her, there couldn't be anyone that she angered to the point of...oh my cod. The Greeks, that explains the sandwich that they gave Abe and why they told him to not park in his normal spot. Excuse me, I need to go file a police report.
As with most mornings on the show, today I learned something. It turns out that Naperville, an uptight suburb filled with people who have money, loves to swing. By swing I don't mean the childhood playground fair, I mean "swing." This was brought on by the second mention of the notes today Ferrari who lives there and says that the place is packed with swingers. In fact, a quick Google search even turned up the Top 10 swingers bars in Naperville (who knew there was even one, let alone ten.) Abe said that most swingers are disgusting pigs, like those ones you would see at Hedonism in Jamaica (I know who he was shading with this.) Furthermore, since they're all disgusting, why would any of them want to swing with them anyway. Angi retorted, saying that she's seen some pretty hot swingers and she opened the lines to hear if there were more. Mary messaged Abe to say that she is a swinger who lives there but knows her sister listens to the show so she was too afraid to call in. This particular segment also had a caller that leads into my last note piece for the day.
Lastly, let's talk about the Head Roadies, in this case two of them. One is a potential one who wanted to be the Head Roadie of Mötley Crüe, Bob. He had sent a text to Angi and Abe showing his fourth row tickets for the upcoming rescheduled show. He also recently got a Dr. Feelgood tattoo. This is a guy who has met Nikki Sixx and drank Jäger with Tommy Lee. Abe was not convinced though as he figured a head roadie should be crazier. Angi too was a bit skeptical and wanted more from him, telling him to call back next Thursday with his deeds he's done in spreading the word to make him a Head Roadie. This was followed later by Justin, a security guard who works at The Forge. He too wanted to be a head roadie and showed that he has done the work. When Angi wasn't asking for an extra pat down and Abe for reserved tables, they asked what he'd done. Given and showing that he was worthy, Angi lifted the mighty sword and dubbed him Justin, Head Roadie of Security Guards. So there you have it, more members that I have to watch over. Thanks Angi and Abe, I love managing a ton of people!
10 o' Clock Toast:
The Rock 95.5 Promotions Department. For having the patience to wait for Angi and Abe to arrive at a meeting because they're running late.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "I walk about a mile a day so I can avoid people." - Abe
Quote: "If you call the show and Angi talks to you off air, you don't need to start hitting on her." - Abe
Quote: "It's okay to talk to a woman and not bang them." - Abe
Quote: "Tanja Taylor, might as well be a porn star." - Angi
Quote: "Every time I bring up Penelope Pumpkins, the (studio) lights dim." - Abe