This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Points:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Well, we're here, hangover Monday compounded with garbage Daylight Savings Time and we are just over it. On top of trying to recover from all that mess, we were drowning in "sus" shots as well today because Abe just couldn't stop. Let's just get into it before I pass out from doing too much over the weekend.
Let's start with stupidity, which as we know on this show there's plenty of it to go around usually. Today though we turn the first swing of the pendulum at people who have gotten their covid vaccine. These simpleton stupid idiots are in such a need of that 5 second like button validation that they are posting pics of their vaccination cards on social media. Here's the thing though, that very brief bit of info that is included in the card itself can be used for identity theft. Your name, the type of shot you've received, this is enough to start pulling some scams and the Better Business Bureau is advising against continuing to post this stuff. Basically, if you do this then you deserve to have your identity stolen. Which led into the actual valid point here, it turns out Angi had her info stolen once. A girl lifted her info and used it to literally go on a crime spree. You name it, this girl did it. It got so bad that Angi was continually being arrested (more than normal) for crimes that she did not commit. When it was all said and done, Angi had to have her records expunged because she would probably be in jail and not hosting the show if they had stuck around. This was all before the rise of computers as well, could you imagine what would have happened if it was. Then again, the girl could be working at a place like iHeart, where the computers are all Commodore 64's. The point of all this cautionary tale was simple really, do everything you can to get vaccinated and know that Angi will be jealous as hell. Just, for the love of god, don't go waving the card around every chance you get for the sake.
Moving on, let's get into the weekend of Angi and Abe, shall we. Angi's involved her learning of a valuable lesson. It turns out that Angi can no longer down shots like the 20 year old party girl she is in her heart. It was her friend Bianca's birthday on Saturday and so she went out. After pounding two tequila shots!, Angi realized that she was done and the ensuing heartburn from it agreed. It should be noted that Angi can down a bottle or two of wine without any issue btw. Anyway, Bianca is still a shots expert, being able to handle like 10 and there is no problem for her later or the next day. This brought forth a topic question, what are you an expert in? For Abe, he is an expert in leaving a tip. He believes so strongly in his ability he actually carved out a small section of the topic to show everyone how to do it, regardless of the amount. Abe also brought up another of his favorite tips, the Retention Department, passing off as his expert ability to save people money on their phone bill. It should be noted on top of those two amazing abilities (eyeroll,) he is also an absolute expert at changing a tire and has done more than a hundred. Going to the phone, Angi picked up on my new personal favorite roadie who may or may not actually have been Harvey Weinstein. MeToo Chris called to explain that his expert ability is knowing what kind of underwear a woman is wearing, be it lace, silk or cotton. He explained the way he honed this ability was tricking women into giving up the proper info necessary for him to decipher what kind of drawers she has on. Unimpressed and probably disgusted, Angi decided that she would play along and allowed MeToo Chris to guess what kind of underwear she was wearing. The joke was on him obviously as any listener of the show would already know that Angi doesn't wear underwear (it's also why the iHeart chair budget is so high because they always have to throw them out.) After that whole mess, roadie Joe came on to explain that he knows exactly what time it is (within a minute) without having to look at a watch. Riveting Joe but let's face it, MeToo Chris was the star here.
Finally, on to what Abe did this weekend. Well, Mr. Kanan was pulled over on Saturday while he was involved in a hot and heavy texting session with noted local entertainment reporter Danny Gaga. Silly Abe was holding his phone at some points, had it in his lap at others, all while driving. Angi was shocked, Mr. Squeaky Clean was a bad boy in this instance and she was not pleased. Pulled over, Abe told the officer that he had gotten all lost and was trying to find his way to his mother's house. Still, he did break the rules so Abe was issued a ticket but it was more of a golden ticket than anything. You see, where it was issued, it was reported as a more of a parking ticket and not an actual ticket so it won't affect Abe's insurance. Abe assured the listeners (and Angi) that texting while driving is dumb and that he would not be doing it again (umm hmm.) It should be noted that to sell this turd of a lie, Abe began flailing with excuses and of course, opened up the map on his phone to try and make things look legit. While he attempted to make the online bill pay work, Angi told the story of how she was once pulled over for texting while driving. However for her, it was a horse that did the issuing and not some guy (maybe, whatever, this sounds better.) Unlucky Abe though, she was just given a warning (and the horse offered his number I think) but she just made fun of the horse and the officer that rode him. I feel that this spot deserves a PSJay: Don't text and drive, you idiots!
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Mick (5x Champ)
Challenger Song Choice: "Dr. Feelgood"
Champion Song Choice: "Am I Evil?"
Observation: Smack talk was kinda meh but the song choices are damn good so this could go either way imo because the song choices tend to dictate the winner more than anything else.
Winner: Troy
Other Topics:
As I pointed out in my call opening (or at least attempted to but as we know with this show, intention never seems to stick.) Anyway, Angi was hung over and tired and decided to take out her frustrations on springing forward because let's face it, it is very stupid. It's so bad in fact that it's the leading cause of car accidents and heart attacks happening the day after it occurs. Even more so, there is literally no reason that it needs to occur right after St. Patrick's Day of all things. There is a small list of how to adjust to this change but each is just awful. Exercise: Who has the time and energy for that mess? Skip the extra cup of coffee: Yeah because then the afternoon crash is going to be the actual cause of your car crash. Don't eat too late: Hey, some of us are trash who feed sporadically throughout the day on small meals like raccoons. Don't drink alcohol: If you listen to this show, you already know that is not an option. You know what should be done, get rid of Daylight Savings all together, it's absolutely stupid and no one wants it. This is not only Angi's stance but most Americans as well and I for one agree with them.
In today's installment of Drunk Ninja News, a 24 year old dummy was on a flight and he absolutely disrupted it. He apparently had several beers and shots before getting on the plane and ended up falling asleep. The thing was he dozed off without a mask on and was woken up by being yelled at (for said missing mask.) He went on to refuse to wear a mask and then peed in the aisle. For his outrageous behavior, this loser is facing 20 years in prison and a $250,000 fine. It's not that hard, just put your stupid mask on, seriously. Abe wondered if perhaps the guy had his drink spiked and that's why he was so out of it. Angi went on to reveal that she had a drink spiked once when she was dating a bartender, who it turns out was the spiker. It was something that was never admitted to by the guy but Angi just knew deep down that he had done it. He was into shady stuff that she didn't discuss further and honestly discussing it was not something that she wanted to do which was respectable but the whole thing is just awful.
Lastly, So Angi asked a question to cap off the show, involving a guy who was taking an outdoor spin class during the summer. His purpose was to exercise but more so, he could also use it as an excuse to look at hot chicks asses in the class. He always makes sure to get there early so he can get a seat in the back and take in all the views. Angi wanted to know, does this count as cheating or is the guy just a creep? Abe said it's not cheating but if he's in a relationship, he's probably unhappy. Abe's clearly never seen theAmerican Dadepisode about rubberneckin'. Anyway, the talk turned to porn, assuming that this would sort of be the same. It's not because the cyclist is going out of his way to catch glances. In fact, Abe pointed out, at the gym, guys are always crowding around girls who work out to get a peek. Looking does not make you skanky but it does make you thirsty. He then turned the tables on Angi and asked how she would respond if Michael B. Jordan was working out next to her. She would obviously be as close as possible, to catch the droplets of sweat in her mouth (to quench her thirst, duh.) Abe then complained about girls who work out wearing makeup, Angi complained about girls who run the treadmill and pretend to read a book. The point of this I guess is that if you make any effort to encroach on personal space, you're a creep/thirsty. For this reason, Angi has promised to stop sniffing Abe's chair in the studio.
10 o' Clock Toast:
City of Chicago. For the good fake out about the river dyeing giving a small hint of normalcy.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "Eddie Vedder and I were having sex ... and he slapped me in the face with it (his junk.)" - Abe
Quote: "Morons don't get into good schools without things going on." - Abe
Quote: "Two pump chump is what I'm used to." - Angi
Quote: "I know how to drink and I know when to stop." - Angi
Quote: "I'm not trying to get banged by Uncle Jesse." - Abe
Quote: "She (Alanis Morrisette) needs to bang like Jon Hamm or The Game." - Angi
Quote: "You're going to go straight from nothing into Depends." - Abe