This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Points:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
I wanted to start today by making a quick point. You see yesterday I was not on to give my daily wrap up notes to because the show was being done at home and Angi was suffering from technical issues and wardrobe malfunctions. Here's the thing though, the real truth of the matter, as pointed out by Abe yesterday, is that Angi actually didn't have me on because she doesn't know my phone number. We learned that she has a hateful, racist phone and it apparently directs all that hate at me. Also, when she did finally pick up, she assumed I was a Nigerian scammer and then proceeded to hang up on me so....
So, have you ever done something dumb at work that ended up getting you fired? This mess of a fun topic was brought on because of a masseuse, who got fired from his job for the assumption that he was touching himself while giving massages. He was only using one hand to give a massage and the other free hand was working ... his phone, which he was playing games on. This is unfortunately yet another topic Abe can't comment on because he is a literal saint and has never done anything wrong. Angi, on the other hand, was once fired from her job at Dairy Queen as a teen because she had been stealing money. This money was being used to buy wine coolers which she then used to get in cool with her local Heathers. Roadie Anthony was fired at 15 from his job at McDonald's for eating a french fry. Abe, of course, had to comment how amazing it must be to make your own sandwich while working at a fast food place. Glenn was fired from his job at Walgreens because he was stealing frozen cheeseburgers and Yu-Gi-Oh cards. Dana, while working, found a gift card in the lost and found, after two months it went unclaimed so she took it, only to have the person call a day later to get it back, oops. John was fired for buying items at store price with his employee discount and then reselling them for more. This was no shock to Angi and Abe who knew radio station guys who took all the promotional stuff and then proceeded to sell it online. As for roadie Bob, he was fired for complimenting a woman's breasts that he worked with to a friend. As for me, I've done bad stuff but I was never fired so I have nothing to add here, cough.
Moving along, sweet Angi got an email the other day which she was immediately able to point out as phishing. This is that amazing email that tells you they've been tracking the shenanigans that the person has been doing online. In this case, Angi got called out for watching porn ... gasp. Angi, getting a kick out of this whole thing decided to make a point of this email. Here's the thing though, she wasn't bothered by the fact that she was being recorded. In fact, she actually kind of wanted to see these supposed videos and if they were good, she could finally start that OnlyFans account we've been saying that she needs to make. This was not the first time though that things have gone wrong for Angi while looking at porn. Another time, she got a pop up telling her she was being recorded. Obviously, this was another fake and so she ignored that as well. Here's the thing, she just wants to enjoy her Czechoslovakian gangbang porn in peace so just leave her be. Abe, who does not indulge in anything aside from Youtube vortex's of animals and wrestling, added in finally with a great tip. You need to click and see if the email is coming from a legit account or from a fake place. Here's the problem though, this whole discussion alone seems to violate iHeart's code of conduct, so just knowing this stuff is going to get all of us fired.
Finally, things really went off the rails when years of buried secrets were uncovered when Angi brought up a Tik Tok trend. The topic was the best lies that your parents ever told to you. This particular Tik Toker explained how when her cat disappeared, she was told that her cat ran away to Hollywood to become an actress. This led Abe to a trip down memory lane, where he recalled how when he was a kid, he was told his dog Spooky went to live on a farm. Abe, the intrepid detective that he is, decided to get to the bottom of it and called his mother. While we waited for Mama Kanan to call in, Angi and listeners told their stories. Angi was told as her kid that when he dad was driven off for days on end, he was going to go paint bridges. The reality actually was that he was going to a jail workhouse. Roadie Margie told her son he couldn't go on a trip because his passport didn't arrive on time, turns out that he didn't even need one. Franchesca had a doozy and was told that she had a brother but the reality was that it was her sister's son. Finally, the moment we had all been waiting for arrived and it was as sad as you could imagine. Mama Kanan checked in, at first giggling when she went on to explain the truth of what actually happened to Spooky. You see, they were moving with Grandma Kanan to a new house and Spooky was old and having seizures. Grandma assumed that bringing Spooky with would end up ruining the new house. Grandma Kanan took the dog one day and explained to Mama Kanan that it was taken to "a farm." Though there is no way to really understand what happened since the parties involved are long gone, Abe still wants to investigate. For the realist here, the truth is the dog was probably put down. There was a secondary story of a bird Abe saved that he found in the driveway. He made a point of making sure this bird was taken to a place to be rehabilitated. The thing is, the place he sent the bird to was the KFC "bird sanctuary." I'm sure it's fine though and we shouldn't question it further.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Woody (1x)
Challenger Song Choice: "Stinkfist"
Champion Song Choice: "Everlong"
Observation: Well, that was umm smack talk I guess. Whatever, it's part of the process of the game but that doesn't mean it's good. Woody did have a few good licks but this was nothing memorable.
Winner: Woody
Other Topics:
Hopefully capping off the snow talk, Angi explained this morning that she finally made it to work. However, she had to take an Uber because her car is essentially blocked under snow in the garage until March. See, nobody plows in her neighborhood, especially the alley. In fact, the Uber driver who came in an SUV almost got stuck taking her to work this morning. Abe suggested that Angi and her neighbors get together and go door to door to raise money, like they used to do back in the day when block parties were held. They could then take this money and use it to hire a plow truck for the alley. Abe, living in the past as always, remembered a time back when he was a kid and there were always snowstorms like this and the alleys always remained plowed. Pushing aside the nostalgia, Angi got honest with the listeners and explained that her goal is to put on the best show she can for the listeners and being at home doesn't help. Her equipment sucks, she hates being around Jay the Straight, you know all these things add up to a decrease in quality. The mentioned solution for all this btw was quite simple, Angi just needs to buy a flamethrower.
So, another fun topic this morning was lesbians, who enraged those idiot Million Moms that have nothing better to do then be enraged by things that go against their idiotic idea of societal norms. Their ire was direct at the American Girl Doll company, which revealed that this years doll (they put out a new one each year) is a girl from Australia who has two lesbian aunts that own an animal refugee down under. Apparently, this doll is pushing the box munching agenda to little girls and they are just not having it. Abe, the straightest man in the world and totally not "sus," led a discussion on how much he loves lesbians. Seriously you guys, he totally loves lesibans a whole bunch. Angi also chimed in, explaining that the concern should not be the dolls because kids are already doing crazy things with them. Their clothes are being tossed off and the kids are having them scissor and make out with Ken. Abe continued to showcase his manliness by discussing how amazing it is when lesbians make out at the bar. Dream crusher Angi told him that the reality is those are not real lesbians, they are more just for show hoes who are doing it to get a rise out of guys. I can confirm that Angi is absolutely correct and that real lesbians actually look like you wouldn't imagine. Short hair, flannels, knuckles like a 50 year old man. They also move in with each other after the first three dates and are usually busy renovating their house and not going out to the bar.
Lastly, in case you were curious. Abe wears boxer briefs to bed and nothing else. Angi sleeps in the nude. This has relevance outside of thirsting for our hosts but first, a side PSAngi. If you wear socks to bed, you are definitely a serial killer. Angi said that wearing clothes in bed feels weird, like sleeping in jeans is the same as socks. The thing is though you should be wearing socks because it's going to help you fall asleep faster, due to the warmth. There is also a method called the 10, 3, 2, 1, 0. 10 is the amount of hours before bed you should stop consuming caffeine. 3 is the amount of hours you should stop consuming food or alcohol. 2 is the amount of hours you toss off and stop doing work. 1 is the amount of hours where you stop screen time. 0 has nothing to do with going to bed but getting up and is the amount of times you should hit the snooze. Abe went on to explain he does it like 7 times each morning (yelling the f word each time.) This will probably be yet another notch in the totem pole of what will kill Abe.
10 o' Clock Toast:
Spooky the Dog, Abe's dog that went to "the farm" but in reality she was probably put down by his grandma.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "Who hates lesbians?" - Abe
Quote: "Lesbians are awesome, we love lesbians." - Abe
Quote: "Can't we take your (Angi's) scandalous photos and start an OnlyFans page." - Abe
Quote: "The Abeaconda, that was sent to a farm too, to die." - Abe
Quote: "What farm do they have where big dongs go to die because I wanna go there?" - Angi