This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Points:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Well today is something, whereas I had a whole big fun speech about Fat Tuesday and Pączki Day but instead we got an absolutely unwanted Snow Day. The streets are bad, these notes will be bad because there's technical issues and not much to work with, even I didn't call in this morning because everything was such a mess. So, read along with caution (you might get buried in an avalanche) and let's hope tomorrow ends up being better.
There was a lot of snow discussion today, I'm going to just lump a bunch of it together like the piles of white outside. As I said, the show was being done from today because if you take a look out the window, there's just snow, snow and more goddamn snow. There was enough snow outside that Angi's house turned into the Overlook Hotel. Jack Nicholson Taylor was trapped inside her house and really feeling (it didn't help that she's also out of wine.) Abe just found the whole thing depressing. There was a glimmer of hope when Vegas came up aka Angi and Abe's favorite place on Earth. They could escape to their, do the show from there in the winter, retire there, probably end up dying there knowing those two. During yesterday's snowy mess, Abe ended up getting stuck and had to have his brother come help get him out. Angi took one look out her door, started screaming and gave up. Luckily, Abe has a fancy radio system established in his house so he can easily broadcast. Angi, host and namesake of the show, has a tin can and string set up that she uses to broadcast from her house. Needless to say, she had plenty of issues. Let's look to after the show though, where Angi is looking to be snow blowed at least in her alley. She began to offer up umm favors to anyone who can make sure she can escape to actual work tomorrow (and probably bring her some booze as well.) However, Abe started pointing out that there may be no need to worry about shoveling or going to work tomorrow because the end may be nigh! That's right, it might start raining frogs and the apocalypse will sweep us all away. Hey, at least the snow will melt then.
So, even though covid is still terrorizing the world (as much as some people either don't seem to care and those are declaring that it's over just because,) there is a list made of things people will probably never do again. First and foremost and the thing I 100% agree about, never sharing a chapstick ever again. Also on the list, trying on makeup samples (which Angi was never into to begin with,) making out with strangers at a bar (Abe disagrees with this,) standing close to people in line, not having hand sanitizer on you or using it, sharing snacks (you touch my snack, I'll cut your hands off,) and sharing someone else's deodorant (Angi couldn't believe this one.) Let's face it, we live in a new normal now and that is just life now, normal or not.
Finally, what are some of the greatest opening lyrics to songs. This is one of those topics where you either completely agree or disagree because it's easy to guess what most of the ones on top will be. Angi, noted terrible singer, decided to sing each of these little bits and make it a game for Abe to guess. As I said, too easy and Abe nailed them all. It started with "Let's Go Crazy," which makes sense since Prince loves Angi. "Let's Go Crazy," "Let It Be," and "The Sound of Silence" also made the list. Abe suggested that "Comfortably Numb" should be on the list, Angi added that "My Neck, My Back" should be on there. Abe also wanted Disturbed on the list because it gives him an excuse to make noises. Personally, I felt like the list needs "Bohemian Rhapsody." That actually may be on the list but as with most lists on this show, things tend to taper off after a few mentions and then the segment implodes, explodes or fades away.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Woody (1x)
Challenger Song Choice: "Stinkfist"
Champion Song Choice: "Everlong"
Observation: Today's battle was postponed, expect to see the same thing posted in this space tomm.
Winner: TBD
Other Topics:
As we all know or don't currently care about cause snow and all, this past weekend was Valentine's day. Abe didn't really do anything, something he had warned us all weekend that he had intended to do when mentioned prior. Angi went to the casino on like Friday but she too apparently did nothing. Abe did find something amusing in the dual form though, making me secretly yell "sus" at my computer screen. First, there was Hallie Berry, who put out a topless Instagram video where she was dancing around which Abe apparently liked and Angi just had to see. Keep in mind this only was mentioned on the show and no link was sent originally. The other thing Abe saw was a ton of David Lee Roth naked ass and back sack exposure, which came in the form of him watching a video with David Lee Roth wearing assless chaps. For this delightful vision of awfulness, Abe was sure to take a ton of pictures and send them to Angi.... Yep, nothing suspicious at all about any of this.
In today's edition of Drunk Ninja News, a Florida (of course it was) woman apparently did not know how to use an epi pen because you know, Florida. This woman, who was 65 mind you, decided to go on a bender with her sister. The two of them got absolutely loaded and the woman ended up passing out. While she was down for the count, the sister apparently ended up drinking all the alcohol that was left. The woman, upon realizing what had occurred, threw an absolute hysteria fit and attacked her sister with the pen. When the cops arrived, she explained to them that she had stabbed her sister with the epi pen because she was allergic to drunks. One final time for those in the back, Florida.
Lastly, if you are a carjacker and you're reading these notes or were listening to the show today, this is all for you. Abe Kanan, paramount of absolute goodness, had a message for all of you guys. Just Cut It Out ... no seriously, he's going to need for you to relax on the whole stealing car things for a while. Seriously though carjacker guys, what's the deal with all the guns? Why are you stealing all these cars, especially if people are dealing with all this snow? Just stop it, you need to behave yourselves. In fact, Mr. Abe Kanan has a plan for all of you if any one of you decides to carjack him. He's going to help you out, he will willingly get out of the car and help you. No, I don't mean he will help you steal his care, he is there to listen to you. He's going to give you that "it's not your fault" speech fromGood Will Huntingand then give you a hug, which will negate your need to steal his car. Got it guys, help is on the way and his name is Abe Kanan. (Sidenote, after hearing this mess, I finally was able to understand exactly how Abe is going to die.)
10 o' Clock Toast:
Anyone that has to drive today. Uber, Lyft, Amazon, UPS, FedEx, DoorDash, Grubhub, Postmates, Snow Plows, Trucks, etc. Mother Nature is an absolute whore.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "Next time we see a storm coming, let's just go to Vegas." - Angi
Quote: "I'm so straight I wouldn't even know!" (in response to being asked if J.J. Watt is hot) - Abe
Quote: "Is there a chance this is the end of times?" - Abe
Quote: "If I had a BMW, I wouldn't want to have people in it." - Abe
Quote: "If you're a carjacker and you're listening to this, just relax for a while." - Abe
"Timely" Abe Kanan Tip: Don't go on the side streets.
Carjackers PSAbe: You don't have to be a scumbag all your life, just stop it.