This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Points:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
It's Chainsaw Friday and we're headed into a nice long holiday weekend, I know I'll be spending it checking out Abe and Angi's Onlyfans pages that they're apparently going to be opening this upcoming weekend. Hands and Abe's naked torso covered in mayo on his page and cleavage and an unsteady house on Angi's. What more could you want?
Resident record store worker Case took time from sorting through The Smith's records and applying black eyeliner this morning to once again deliver a Request Wars beatdown. Case made a case with the cracking track "The Taste of Ink" barreling over "Sweet Child O' Mine." I have to give it to Case here for picking a track that isn't something that is played constantly on the station so good for him becoming a 3x Request Wars Champ. However, I must implore you to vote him off the island come Tuesday because I can't imagine a week where I hear Taking Back Sunday, Dashboard Confessional and Sunny Day Real Estate back to back to back. Also, I will be giving Request Wars its own section down below going forward and will only report on it if something major occurs.
It's Friday which means it's time for Best Bet of the Week: Playoff Edition (Round 2.) After last week's push, you should have plenty of left over cash to piss away (apparently Jay the Straight does.) So, take all the money you were going to use to fund the reunion of The Yellows (Angi's childhood dance group,) forget your 2 for $20 Whoppers, forgo buying that butthole doughnut plushie on Ebay and put it all towards Abe's choice. This week, take the Tampa Bay Buccaneers +3 vs the New Orleans Saints. Enjoy the free paper if you win and do not dare complain if you lose!
Finally, could it be we will have a new show host come Tuesday morning? Here's the thing, Angi might be living inside of a death trap, a place that is on the verge of collapse at any moment. Whenever it is windy or storming outside, the house sways and shakes. It isn't like a skyrise that is meant to do that, this is simply a two story house. So, she put out a feeler for contractors or engineers to call in and let her know if she's just waiting for her final destination moment. There was a glimmering moment of hope, when she exclaimed "If I'm on the top floor, if it collapses, I may survive." RIP Jay the Straight. Abe, in all his infinite wisdom, had another idea as to why the house might be shaking: it's simply Jay the Straight breakdancing downstairs. In the red flag section of this conversation, Angi pointed out that the house was only a handful of years old and the original owner moved out after a year and a half. The reason given was he had to take a job in another state (though that doesn't explain the passport or why even the builder left town as well.) When turned to the callers, Head Roadie Ferrari checked in to tell Angi things were probably moving cause she's drunk. After that little jab, he said she probably needs an engineer to check it out. Listener Rick asked if there were cracks in her drywall. He wanted to know exactly what was moving. He found himself puzzled because he had never heard of anything like that before.
Other Topics:
The morning opened with Abe desperately seeking a man named Auggie Dog Video (who may or may not have molested him as a teen.) The backstory here is that Abe used to go to concerts all the time (as we all did back in the normal times.) While there, this weirdo Auggie Dog Video would always be around and motion for Abe and his friends to come to his car. Once there, he would pop the trunk and for whatever reason, Tawny Kitaen jumped out and ran off screaming. Underneath where he body had been lying however was a bunch of video tapes that the guy would sell for $60 a piece. There was no real rhyme or reason as to what triggered this memory or what occurred when Abe was in the front seat of the car with Auggie, Abe wanted a favor. He was seeking out in the universe trying to figure out where the guy is now. Is he dead, is he still selling VHS tapes and attempting to make money, did he end up becoming a boy scout troop leader. If you have your own Auggie Dog Video story or know any info about his whereabouts, hit up Abe on his socials.
Because Angi didn't want to die alone, she opened a topic up about secret menu items. Just a quick point before I go into these, I'm not going to explain what's in each item because you have Google and can find them yourself. It started with the Arby's Meat Mountain Sandwich, which is what I'm assuming Abe will die from after he eats it tonight. Taco Bell has The Incredible Hulk. McDonald's has The McGangbang, The Land Sea and Air Burger and The Monster Mac. Shake Shack touts the Peanut Butter and Bacon Burger. Subway repurposes old yoga mats into a Pizza Sub. Burger King will give you a Suicide Burger. As for the listeners, Chewy loves to go to Subway and get a meatball marinara with 2 chicken patties, provolone and bacon. Mark loves The McGangBang but he loves even more to go through the drive through and ask for it because the workers look at him like he has a third eye.
Lastly, during a particularly heavy ADHD section of the show, Angi started to discuss a woman's husband who puts hot pizza under cold water to cool it off and then eats it. This seemed like serial killer behavior and so Angi was seeking more examples. Like wearing socks to bed, putting ketchup on a hot dog, if you like necco wafers. Head Roadie Jim suggested people who only drink black coffee. Listener Brian went after people who put the toilet paper on backwards. This led to an explanation of exactly the right way to place toilet paper based on a roll: mullet is bad, beard is good. Abe chimed in that people who like feet are serial killers. My two cents, people who kill a lot of other people are definitely serial killers. The discussion on feet though jumped to Abe talking about wanting to start an OnlyFans, to which he also suggested Angi make one as well. Abe would showcase his hands on his, while Angi would show cleavage on hers. This mess ended with Angi starting another topic that went nowhere, what's your side hustle?
10 o' Clock Toast:
Bert McCracken. Today he provided a wealth of content from Request Wars all the way to Jay the Straight telling us about the time he attempted to beat him up (Bert wanted to fight Jay, just for clarification.)
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "We bribe you to listen, we got chainsaws, we got Abe Kanan, what else do you want?" - Angi
Quote: "I cried during that song and I wasn't even sad." - Angi
Quote: "Could I make an Onlyfans hand page?" - Abe
Quote: "I hate white people who say dope." - Abe
Quote: "Could it be Jay the Straight is downstairs breakdancing?" - Abe