This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Points:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
It's finally Thursday, one step closer to Friday and that day that the hurdle seems the hardest to get over. Not only am I damn tired today but snow is promised tonight so I really need some high energy fun and ridiculousness from today's show. Spoiler: It delivers!
Angi asked a fascinating question, are there any strange/weird social media accounts that you follow. Angi follows one called Secret Buttholes. What we'll come to see is how much of today ends up being about buttholes, which was hilariously fantastic. Abe, in no big shock, follows Hellmann's Mayonnaise. He also follows Jim Ross' Wrestling Commentary Placed Over Accidents (it's as funny as it sounds.) With their choices out of the way, the listeners chimed in and gave off some of the stuff they enjoy. Bobby loves Girls Getting Hurt. I almost self inserted a ridiculous detail here but then thought that this would be saved somewhere and left it off. After subscribing to it immediately, Abe came to find his friend Andy and WWE Superstar Seth Rollins also followed the page. Listener Max loves Gripping Food with Force and Toilets with Threatening Auras. Eric likes something called The Qualified Captain. Michael adores Influencers in the Wild. Jessica is truly fond of Roadkill Art. Shauna likes CBD Oil for Pets. I would post what I follow but honestly it's mostly wrestlers/wrestling, drag queens and people who find upcoming junk food.
Today's edition of Bad Song Choice Wars (sorry, Request Wars) was pitted with surprisingly bad choices where the real winner was no one who had to hear either. Emo Kid Case, fresh off his Angry Bob beatdown, decided to use the overplayed as hell "Just Like Heaven" to attempt to cement his second win. He was brought up against some extra from Talladega Nights Clint, who decided that the truly awful "Space Lord'' was a good choice. The smack talking was perfectly fine but as I said, regardless of the outcome, no one was a winner here. Case became a 2x Request Wars champ (setting a new record) and decided to punish us with more emo stuff tomorrow with "Taste of Ink." I'm looking forward to when he's on win six and we get some Dashboard Confessional.
Finally, hey married guys, if your wife is constantly upgrading her wedding ring, is this something you would be upset about? This came about because Angi has friends who have recently been on a ring upgrading kick. Chicks are doing it behind their mans backs because you know, desire to have something that they don't or whatever. Noted show husband and sometimes punching bag, Jay the Straight, gave his opinion on the situation. He said that this is essentially the only ritual of the wedding a guy gets to participate in and when he bought it, he made an actual effort to pick it out. There was a question of whether what you picked out wasn't good enough or not and that's why you upgraded. As for Angi and Jay the Straight, they are coming up on their 10 year wedding anniversary and they were planning a trip to New Orleans. However, since fun is still dead because of maskless idiots, they are considering a ring upgrade instead. Listener Steven called in with a great point, he felt that the meaning behind the ring was more important than the item itself. Brent's wife was on her third ring revision but only because she works hard so why shouldn't she get to do what she wants. Besides, he got himself a Harley and they are both happy. Listener Brian said if she wants to do it, let her do it. In fact, he got his wife an anniversary ring that's 3x the size of the wedding ring he got her. My final thought chime in was this, I'd be more offended if you were dating for 5 years and your man doesn't want to lock it down still (cue the shade button.)
Other Topics:
Noted ding a ling and alzheimers patient Mrs. Angi Taylor can't seem to remember to wear her mask. The solution was painfully simple, get a chain to attach to it so it's always around her neck. When she turned to Abe to get his thoughts on it, he revealed that he hated it. In fact, he went as far to say that she was reaching old lady territory. "Get rid of it, it's not a good look." This led to a walk down memory lane about the old librarian who would slam books and tell kids to put their hands on their head. Angi explained that libraries and books turned her on and the discussion of whether or not Jay the Straight could get it in the library (but only in the DIY section.) This btw is a perfect example of how the opening conversations in this show (and in general) tend to go. If you love blended topics, the 5 A.M. hour is where it's at.
A new Roadie Roundtable was commenced. Roadie James found out he was adopted when he was a teen while snooping but it was never an issue. When his adopted mother died a few months ago, a spark rose in him and he became curious as to whether or not he should search for his birth parents. He wants to do it because it's a desire but at the same time, he doesn't want to hurt his adoptive father. So the roadies gave their opinions. Ian said that he should just be honest and say he has a desire to find out where he came from and also find out if there's any hereditary health issues. Troy, who is adopted, said that if it lingers, it will eat him alive. When his father died, he told his mother and he was able to find the truth. He said that it won't hurt his adopted father's feelings and he should do it. Jim had the final say and it was to go ahead and look. He gave his daughter up for adoption 11 years ago in an open adoption and he has some contact with the parents. He doesn't talk to the biological mother but the daughter will have the option to find him if he wants. He said it should be the child's choice and let them discover if they want to.
Lastly, in today's Drunk Ninja News, Angi opened talking aboutDirty Dancing. If you think this is going to go bad, you are so right. While discussing the famous lift, Abe explained a friend almost dropped his girl at a wedding. Ironically, a drunken dance teacher and her boyfriend thought it would be fun to try the lift for a Tik Tok. As you assumed, it went wrong, he dropped her on her head and she folded like a chair. She ended up breaking her neck but luckily missed any serious damage or paralyzation. This just goes to show, if it sounds like fun and you wanna be famous on Tik Tok, just don't do it drunk or maybe in general.
10 o' Clock Toast:
CVS. They sell booze there (that's not why though) but the toast is for their amazing butthole doughnut.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "There was no one around and I swear to god, she appeared from the ceiling" - Abe
Quote: "If you do want to drink blood, don't send it as a DM" - Abe
Quote: "Girls always like it bigger, I'm just kidding" - Angi (with the lie of the century.)
Quote: "I don't feel like cops are pulling anyone over for anything anymore" - Abe
Quote: "If you don't like your ring, 'lose it' and sell it at a pawn shop." - Abe
Quote: "Somebody get me this butthole doughnut, I need it!" - Angi
Quote: "Here's a tip, get a medical marijuana card." - Abe (filed under the Abe Kanan Tip Series)