This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Points:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Ugh, it's Tuesday. However, it could be worse. For example, Abe's boyfriend Reba McIntyre has covid and Abe could not be more torn up about it. So much so he was afraid to text him and see if he was okay because he didn't want to ruin their blossoming relationship. Whatever, we have more important things to get to.
Request Wars, the daily music and verbal beatdown showed that even if you take someone to school and beat them senseless, a more popular band might beat you out. For today's match, it was me aka le champion bringing Rise Against's "The Good Left Undone" vs curmudgeon Angry Bob's Metallica "Fuel." For the smack talk portion, I brought it, I tore the literal house down. The walls were wrecked, Angry Bob was shook and I became the monster people always assumed I was. Still though, I couldn't topple Metallica and so I tossed my tiara and scepter at Angry Bob's open casket and left the stage gracefully. Though my run is done, it was all good fun and I'm looking forward to seeing Angry Bob eat an L real soon. Hopefully this will come tomorrow when he takes on Case, a kid from Columbia College.
In other show news, Abe was almost murdered this morning after picking up wipes from CVS. Though I may have slightly gotten the details wrong in my call, it didn't matter because Abe's almost death was the least point of this turd sandwich. You see, Angi and Abe's building is essentially empty and so Abe has been sneaking off to use an upstairs bathroom. Why not just go downstairs on his floor, well because that bathroom is disgusting. While in the bathroom upstairs today, Abe was doing his business and the lights went out (because they're on a timer.) This is where the murder portion happens as Abe assumed a random serial killer had arrived to take him out. It was then and there he had to make a decision about exactly what kind of wiping he intended to do. Would he do a quick over and go turn on the light or would he get it all done in the dark. Choosing the former, Abe was up and off the bowl. The lights returned, Abe finished up and the rest became this story. Another thing that should be noted as to why they figured Abe would get murdered, the building is like "The Walking Dead." Honestly, I think the whole point of this story was to go on about wipes and bidets, probably because Abe secretly has stock in both.
Finally, would you like to hear some surprising signs that a woman is trouble? This makes sense to go over because you know, Angi is definitely going to fit these roles (probably.) She's flirty with everyone aka she's an attention whore. Angi had to point out that she is the biggest flirt ever. She's the most charming person in the room which really means she only turns her attention to men and again, she's an attention whore. She doesn't care about anything because she's too cool. (At some point Angi stopped counting herself in these because lack of profile fitting or, you know, time crunch.) She never lets you forget her as in she will drop you pics and send texts even after you're long done. She distracts you with sex which is obviously a woman's greatest weapon. She's cheated before because she'd probably do that again (except for Angi obviously, who regretted her one and only time.) So what did the listeners have to say? She doesn't have many girlfriends which Angi screamed as a total red flag. She fails the door test fromA Bronx Tale. I think token show husband Jay the Straight summed it up best with a texted quote to Abe "If she's Serbian ... run!"
Other Topics:
Speaking of almost dying, Angi is allergic to everything and yesterday she had an incident. You see, after bickering a little here and there with Jay the Straight, she felt the need to make it up to him. Que the ordering online of grass fed beef, that stuff we all strive to have because we believe it's going to be better for us. The problem arose when she started to cook it, the smell of literal grass was there. Abe of course, in his infinite wisdom, asked if she baked it with grass? Come time to serve, one bite let her know that it did indeed taste enough like grass that she broke out from eating it. Another delightful question was floated by "did they drop the piece in the grass?" Luckily, things calmed down and she didn't die but that's almost two dead hosts back to back and I'm not ready to host a show with Sandy and Angry Bob just yet.
Are there things you won't go cheap on? According an Angi list (see what I did there,) here are the items people said they refuse to skimp on. Toilet paper, mattresses, certain coffee brands (love you Dunkin', you're our only one!,) wi-fi (what?,) shampoo, ketchup (get out of here with that brown stuff Hunt's!,) potato chips, haircuts and restaurants. Abe has two go-tos that do not get the cheap end. Mayo, for him it is Hellmanm's and nothing else. His other choice is wipes, though as we learned earlier, he's begun to move away from them and has mad love for his bidet. If he needs to use them though, it is Cottenelle or bust. Angi chimed in that she likes to use Cottonelle toilet paper. As for what she refuses to go cheap on shoes and bags because she's a woman and that's the only relevant thing they have right? (I'm waiting for the death threat from her after reading this.)
In today's Drunk Ninja News!, we finally escape away from Florida for once and meet a legend. 40 year old Nathan Rock lived up to his name but not being able to stop rocking. So much so that his 61 year old neighbor called the cops on him because the music was too loud. When the cops did arrive, Nathan answered the door wasted and told the cops that you can't play Led Zeppelin quietly. Also, even though he currently works at Wendy's, he was practicing with the music because he had book studio time in the future. I'm hoping Rock 95.5 is going to be giving out copies of the album when it finally comes out.
Lastly, another day and another Roadie Roundtable. A boss wrote in to discuss an issue he has with his receptionist. You see, she has resting bitch face and he's not entirely sure how to approach her about it. Since she's the receptionist, she's the face everyone sees when they walk in and he needs her to smile to set the tone. Angi immediately pointed out that you can't tell a woman to smile. As mentioned though, he is the boss and she's the face of the place and so she really needs to turn that frown upside down and stop being so mean looking. The listeners were consulted and the answers were a real mixed bag. There was Benny, who says that the boss needs to get in her head and figure out what is going on. This call I must say was really something else. Brian said that the boss should take her off to the side and tell her to be more inviting. KD on Twitter said to ask if everything is alright and then mention that he's received comments from his patients that she looks unhappy or upset. Courtney said that this girl is a receptionist and should know being friendly is the biggest part of the job. She should be confronted. Tom added that she's gotten comments from customers that say she seems sad.
10 o' Clock Toast:
Drew McIntyre, WWE Champion and Abe's boyfriend. Angi's toasting him because she's laughing that he didn't text Abe back.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"I'm at total wetness now so I can't even use wipes." - Abe
"What are you trying to do, date him (Drew McIntyre,) are you afraid you're going to ruin the relationship." - Angi
"If you ever meet Jay the Gay in a dark alley, run for your dang life cause he's going to eat you alive." - Angi
"If you want some hot gay sex in the Merchandise Mart, now you know the code." - Angi
"If she's Serbian ... run." - Jay the Straight
"If you're an adult man, stop talking about freshman football." - Abe
"If you follow us on Twitter, it doesn't mean I'm your girlfriend, it doesn't mean Abe is your boyfriend." - Angi