Call in Points:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
It's Tuesday, it's the slowest day of the week imo and as usual, things went off the rails on the show as they do when the day continues on (and I'm referring to my call in as well.)
As I've brought up before in previous notes, the covid 15 (or 50 at this point) is a real thing and it's just the worst. With New Years coming up, there's a chance you're considering going to the gym. Luckily for all of us, Angi and Abe are putting together a playlist. When you go to the gym, you want to be as pumped up as possible and so a questionnaire was posed and a list of top 50 workout songs was formed. It should be noted that these people are pretty lame and picked nothing outside the box, so here are the top 3.
3. "Welcome to the Jungle" Guns N' Roses
2. "Eye of the Tiger"
1. "We Will Rock You"
It should be noted that Abe likes to listen to The Misfits while he works out and Angi loves to hear "Freak on a Leash" by KoRn. She wants to be at her best, running, ready to die and when she finally gets close to losing it, DMX comes on and starts swearing at her and BOOM, back to life. So dear listeners, what are you offering to the playlist. There was Arien, who loves to hear "Glass Shatters" aka the Stone Cold theme and some Britney Spears. Lisa is digging into "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit. Wyatt likes to get "Down with the Sickness" by Disturbed. Anthony is all about the "Seek and Destroy" by Metallica. Troy digs "Crazy Train" by Ozzy. Listener Rick likes "Comedown" by Bush and also started a small word war which turned into full blown shade by Abe (see my quotes below.) As for my contribution, I'm all over the place musically and usually have shuffle on when I walk in the mornings so to fit the theme it's either rock like Stabbing Westward or house like Gorgon City for me. Of course, if Tom Waits comes on though, I end up just walking to the nearest bar instead.
Could the truth have been sitting right in front of us all along? Could it actually be possible that Abe is the greatest smack talker of all time? The short answer is obviously no and the longer answer doubles down on that but let's be real here. No matter what we tell Abe, in his head he's the best and that mind has been made up for some time now. Yes, it's always better to ride these delusional whims and let them sort out on their own instead of helplessly fighting the tides and indulging him further. How this delusion was brought forth was simple, it came from a place where everyone loses their mind, fantasy football. You see, Abe went down kicking and screaming in his league by making sure to knock two other people out of the playoffs. He's essentially Godzilla, like just wrecking the fantasy league. He's even better when he's garbage because he uses all that mess to his advantage. On the other hand, Angi, straight up admits that she's basically trash and embraces that fact. As she went on to say, "if you have something not great about you, call it out." This is where it all went off the rails. As Angi explained how she and Jay the Straight will vaguely engage in Twitter wars. They do cute, fun stuff, like finding old pictures and using it to roast each other. Abe though, he doesn't mess around, he will find something about you and just use it to wreck you. Note to everyone, including that cankle bitch Angi, clean your timelines of anything incriminating, Abe is always watching.
Finally, break dancing is officially an Olympic sport. It is joined by skateboarding as well now. This is great for someone like Angi who can't get enough of the spectacle and will sit down and just watch all of it for the sake. She drinks it down like it's cheap wine on a Tuesday morning. Abe though is having none of it because his favorite sport, wrestling, has been removed from the Olympics. Sure, it's actual wrestling and not WWE/AEW scripted entertainment stuff but the principal of it all stands and Mr. Kanan is none too pleased. I think secretly, Abe is just more upset because his online man crush, Drew McIntyre, isn't going to win a gold medal anytime soon.
Other Topics:
In today's Drunk Ninja news, we take another trip to God's toilet Florida. There's no rules, there's no masks, there's no laws it seems. Today's ninja is Bud Light Mike, can you guess what he was arrested for? If you said stealing a case of Miller Lite, you're not paying attention! No, Bud Light Mike was caught stealing a case of Bud Light that he attempted to steal from a Publix. He is a treasure when it comes to rap sheets btw. Drunk driving, disorderly conduct, cocaine possession, aggravated battery, theft from a Wawa. If anything, he's more of a treasure than a dirty criminal. In fact, Bud Light should probably hire him as their next sponsor.
In a topic that almost fits with the 2 Girls, 1 Cup (DO NOT Google that if you don't know what it is,) that sent me off my path and into a wall, this morning had something similar. What do warm car seats and Target have in common. They both make Angi poop. If you feel like this is some kind of gross TMI, I do too but as the secretary, I am here to pull the notes and quotes as they come. Anyway, toilet time discussion came from Abe discussing his heated seats because of course it did. I don't want to drag this further because I'm already disgusted to begin with. If you want more on this mess, check the podcast or be smart and sip over it.
Lastly, hot on the heels of Stevie Nicks selling out, the next oldie on the chain has let go of his catalogue. For a cool $300 million dollars, Bob Dylan has sold the rights to all his songs. Sure, he might be old as the dirt on the ground but he definitely can use all that cold hard cash. What he's using it for is anyone's guess. Abe wondered if it was going to his son because why else would someone who would sell all his stuff off as anti establishment as he is. It goes against the integrity he built when "Blowing in the Wind" is used to sell umbrellas. Abe had an actual connection into all of this. Abe has actually seen Bob Dylan at the Aragon and he was as old and crotchety sounding as Abe could mimic. For the record, Angi has never seen him even though she's from Minnesota where he's loved.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Tidbit: Abe doesn't like fish.
"Do you want a big bottle of pee in your truck?" - Angi "Yea" - Abe
"When you're rich, you could be hotter" - Abe
"That's a good way to get in shape, thinking about that hot Gwen Stefani" - Abe
"Jay the Straight is your (Angi's) Blake Shelton" - Abe