Call in Points:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Ugh Monday, that day we all dread because the weekend is always so good and the week is always so long. It doesn't help that it's so gloomy outside as well. Ugh whatever, let's get on with this shall we.
So I'm just assuming here but in this current moment, I'm thinking that no one has any money left. I'm not referring to the back to back holidays that drain your wallet nor am I talking about the pandemic that has destroyed the ability for plenty of people to make money. What I'm talking about is those people who put their money behind the Worst Bet of the Week in the last few weeks. If you are one of the unlucky few, then you're probably broke now. To recap, Abe hit a losing streak and decided it was time for plan B. Well, that baby that it produced turned out to be a turkey as well as Beat the Degenerate, the offshoot meant to save us, crash and burned this weekend with another loss. So, that's done now as well and we're moving on to Plan F'ed. This sees Abe grabbing the steering wheel of this out of control armored car who's open back door has been spilling cash into bookies pockets for weeks now. Crazy longshot bets are back on Friday so get ready to start calling pawn shops to get rid of the last of your stuff.
Tick, tick, tick, do you know what that sound is? It's the 18 days left until we hit Christmas (I know, gross right?) As we know, getting a present is always the best thing but giving them is usually hard. This is where the show comes in, we are here to tell you what not to buy. Please note, if you've bought any of these things or intend to, don't do it. People will hate you as much as they hate these gifts (trust me, I know someone who has gotten several of them and she kind of rolls her eyes and throws them away. Not from me of course, I'm a meticulous gift giver.) Anyway, here's your list of the 5 most hated holiday gifts:
5. Box of Chocolates
4. A Beauty Gift Set
3. Scented Candles
2. Spa Stuff
1. Picture Frames
Finally, it seems my whole list this morning has been about bad things. Well, given this year that's really unsurprising but we need some good vibes here. That's right, we want to hear good things that have happened to you in 2020. For example, Brian had a baby this year after 6 years of trying. Chad also had a baby son born but he had something much more important to share, he invented a machine that makes cannabis better. Something about removing crystals and other things to create this pure ... I'll be honest, it was involved and I was busy writing something else. He explained that he can't take the machine toShark Tankor Kickstarter as they won't allow drug related products on their shows but he does have a website that has a hard to remember, confusing name. He does though want to take the profits and use it to fund medical mariujana research. We had some Head Roadies share their goodness as well. Head Roadie of Sound Guys Tony asked out Dana and it went/is still going well. Hayden, the Head Roadie of Australia found the show and became a Head Roadie even though he's continents away. Angry Bob, Head Roadie of A-holes was happy he didn't poop his pants. Also, Dr. Rick checked in and oh wow, we were tricked, it was actually Truck Driver Brad in disguise and boy did he fool Angi and Abe. Do you have something to add to the good in 2020 list, feel free to hit up Angi and Abe on their socials and let them know.
Other Topics:
Even though I end up grinding my teeth and throwing things when it happens more than once a week, two new Head Roadies were knighted today. Let's all welcome Denny, the Head Roadie of Pilots and Erin, the Head Roadie of Nurses. Congrats, we expect a lot from you guys so go forth and do the work you've committed to and congratulations.
So, as we've all probably experienced, the covid 15 is a real thing (at the rate things are going, more like the covid 50.) With a new year right around the corner and a fresh start possible, Abe suggested walking from the Hancock down Michigan Ave and back. Turns out, 11 mins of exercise is all you need daily in order to maintain yourself. It would be perfect, they could start today and soon be on their way toward better health. Well, Angi had another idea in mind, they could walk and then she could Christmas shop a little. What's so wrong with picking up a purse on your daily morning walk. Abe hates shopping and saves all his Christmas shopping until Christmas Eve so I'm filing all this under "Pipe Dream or We Were Going to Do It but Other Stuff Came Up so Let's Just Order Jimmy John's and Drink Cheap Wine Instead."
In today's Drunk Ninja news, a man from Oregon named Raymond thought it would be a great idea to steal from Kohl's. Apparently there's a low standard bar in Oregon but I digress. Anyway, Raymond and his buddy in drunk crime Derrick both stole a bunch of stuff from Kohl's and ran out to their car only to discover the battery was dead. They scoured the parking lot looking for a jump and in turn, an escape with their loot to no avail. Raymond, being the drunk genius that he came up with a solution, he would give Derrick $1,000 to take the fall. That didn't float with Raymond so an Abe like Plan C was developed. Raymond decided to blame the thieving on his wife when the cops arrived. It didn't work and both drunk idiots were arrested on several charges. Note to self, don't get married to anyone from anywhere.
Do you ever get a craving that is just completely out of the way? I mean I know I'd kill to have a White Castle by my house again but that's what Uber Eats is for. Anyway, Abe feels the same and will go to a sub place that is in a bad neighborhood once every two weeks because it's too good not to. There is, of course, a reason for this discussion. A Russian billionaire was tired of eating healthy, organic foods and so he hoped in a helicopter with his girlfriend to go to McDonald's, which was 200+ miles away. They ended up ordering some burgers, fries and shakes for a $60+ bill. Luckily, he owns the helicopter company so this was just a fun little trip for him. The real gem here came from Angi and Abe discussing wanting In N' Out and just how far they would need to go to get some. This, of course, led to a discussion about which was farther from Chicago, Texas or Vegas. Do you have a food that you would go to ridiculous lengths to get, hit up Angi and Abe on their socials and let them know.
Lastly, since we're on the discussion of food and I haven't had breakfast yet, this seems fitting. Abe has really been ramping up his ordering as of late, you know, being stuck in the house and all. In fact, he uses every single delivery app (and I'm sure a few drivers can actually pronounce his name correctly.) Angi, for her part in this deliciousness, had Fry the Coop this weekend. She's simple though when it comes to ordering, she just buys like one Egg McMuffin and pays $17 even though McDonald's is a block away. Abe, on the other hand, overorders and makes a pig of himself so he doesn't have to pay the delivery fee. What does any of this have to do with anything or where is this point going? It's all about Grubhub and the 10 hottest items ordered this year.
10. Roast Beef Sandwich
9. Strawberry Shake
8. Fish and Chips
7. Iced Latte
6. Steak Quesadilla
5. Cold Brew Coffee
4. Waffle Fries
3. Chicken Wings
2. Chicken Burrito Bowl
1. Spicy Chicken Sandwich
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"We regift the candles and snort the bath salts" - Angi
Tidbit: Abe once ate gas station sushi out of desperation.
Tidbit: Abe's dream is to get a tapeworm.