Call in Points:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
It's Chainsaw Friday and we're live and half loaded already. The show today was absolutely bonkers mad and brimming with stuff, luckily I was able to get some of it in but if you want the full experience, you'll need to open your ears and take it all with the podcast.
So, the Worst Bet of the Week is pretty much dead now. After a stunning (see not at all) back to back loss, Abe was feeling defeated. To remedy this, he gave Angi an offer and in turn, ended up taking Plan B. Plan B caused Abe to shed the old identity of the Best Bet of the Week and turn it into something new. Welcome to Beat the Degenerate, in which the listeners will be taking the advice of a degenerate gambler, throwing it in the trash and betting against them. So, our degenerate is Joe the ATM, a never lucky in betting ever that was watching a Chinese basketball he bet on and was bound to lose. See, Joe the ATM is a loser through and through and so his pick is bound to make money for you. So, sell your car because dibs are annoying. Forget buying the rest of those Christmas presents for your ungrateful family members. Crack open that golden nest egg that you had set aside because this is finally the week that it's all going to turn around. That right, betting against a loser is going to make you a winner.
Abe finally got something from the show this morning, a partner in crime that isn't Angi. Listener Paul, a first responder from Crown Point, checked in and what seemed like a normal call got Abe all revved up. Paul began to discuss his job but being that this morning show is populated byPawn Starsloving degenerates, the talk immediately turned to gambling. Seeing as he's in Indiana, Paul explained that he was 20 minutes away from a casino. That wasn't what sent Abe into an overdrive though as his pants grew three sizes bigger when he heard that Paul won $700,000. Paul was also thrown out and banned from the casino because he has the ability to read slot machines. Faster than you could say WOP, Abe needed a mop and bucket to clean himself up after hearing all this.
Lastly, in the biggest and longest topic of the day, Instagram brought forth a question. A guy wanted to know what stuff he should have at his place for girls when they stay over. Angi, ever the smarter of the pair, suggested that a girl always have her "hoe bag" on her, usually in the trunk. Abe, on the other hand, suggested the girl brush her teeth with her fingers. Other little tidbits that came out of this deliciously messy segment included Abe asking Angi if she kept a basket of condoms at her house. Angi used to date a guy who would keep a wicker basket full of things at his place in the bathroom. Abe also said if he had to, he would leave lotion out for a girl. We also learned that when Abe used to date, if he had to go to the bathroom, he would tell the girl he was going to his apartment real quick to drop off a package...classy. Anyway, onward to the listeners. Head Roadie Trashman Tim called in to say that he used to keep baby powder, mouthwash and Curve at his place. To be gender equal, listener Laurie checked in to explain she used to keep a "diddy bag" which was a better name for a "hoe bag." It it, she would keep a fresh pair of clothes for the walk of shame. Mark would keep unisex products like toothbrushes and soap. Garrett was a fan of baby wipes and toothbrushes as well, though took the singular route to not look like a creep. Jason the Trucker who I dubbed Christian Grey, used to have a ton of fun stuff. Bullwhips, chains, cuffs, spiderwebs to hang from the ceiling, leather cuffs and an entire medieval S&M room. Other things that were learned: he's been to a dungeon, been beaten by a dominatrix, love feet and to finally prove Abe's theorem, has small junk. He's freshly divorced ladies, so have at it. Finally, Annie's beloved listener from her prior show Truck Driver Brad talked about what he kept, which included perfume and Mad Dog 20/20. Brad is a national treasure btw.
Other Topics:
Still touring funk group Earth, Wind & Fire made the internet newsfeed by discussing that they are no longer getting groupies. Sure, let's for a moment, overlook the fact that they're like 100 years old. This led to a discussion on banging old musicians between Angi and Abe. It mostly focused on Angi (seriously, Abe is such a good boy sometimes) and on whether or not she'd bang the Rolling Stones. The Stones, unlike Earth, Wind & Fire, are still getting action cause they're cool and girls are rebelling against their parents by sleeping with Mick Jagger. Yes, hating daddy equates to sleeping with a man in his 70's on this show. Angi however said she just couldn't do it, you know cause of the old balls and all. When the table was turned to Abe, he was asked if he would bang Dolly Parton. He said eww and returned to his choice pick for an older woman, JLo. Let's all keep in mind, JLo is only 51 years old. Angi was once more incensed because you know, 51 isn't even that old. Anyway, the question was posed to the listeners on which old musician they would bang, feel free to reach out on the socials and let Angi and Abe know. Listener John called in and said he would like to bang JLo but wouldn't mind a 3 way with Angi, JLo and himself. There was also a small offshoot that led to a side bet about The ages ofTheGolden Girlsand how they were all older than JLo or the same age. For the sake of giving Abe partial credit, Blanche was 51 at the time of filming. Sofia was 62. Dorthy and Rose were both 63.
In today's Drunk Ninja news, the female shoes were filled when a Kentucky mayor got wasted at 11 o' clock and decided her best bet was to go to White Castle. After luckily arriving without incident, the woman fell asleep at the wheel in the parking lot. The cops were called, woke her up and in a panic, she turned on the car and drove it into a utility pole. They pulled her out, say she reeked of alcohol and failed a sobriety test. Honestly, she sounds like fun, I kind of want to party with her. In fact, more than anything, I want a crave case (or a crate, if you've had one, you know) now.
Lastly, Angi is bad at fighting. Like if she was to get into a fight with Jay the Straight, he is the rational one who wants to sit down and talk about it. Angi, on the other hand, gets irrational and starts yelling. So basically, a woman after my own heart. Abe, he's a bit more laid back and does the classic freeze you out move when he is furious with you. This story was spawned from a guy who got into a fight with his wife and was looking to clear his head. He went for a walk, figuring it would help. Somehow though, I just know there's got to be more to this story, the guy ended up walking 260 miles and getting lost. Next time I'm in a fight, I'll tell you right now, I'm not going anywhere. I think Angi was really on to something with her thoughts.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"I wouldn't smash Keith Richards or somebody like that" - Angi
"You won $700,000, you just made me tingle down there." - Abe
"Does Ray Liotta look drunk all the time or is it just me?" - Angi