Call in Points:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
New week, new problems, that would be the perfect way to sum up this cold, windy disgusting morning outside and mind you, the day has barely begun.
So let's start with the good news, Angi and Abe are back in the studio this week. That's right, covid be damned (for now,) the studio is alive once again with the sounds of happiness and chatter ... also yelling. That's right, the show barely kicked off and Angi threw her back out straight away. Forced to lie on the studio floor like a corpse during segments where talking was not occurring, she muscled through it (see what I did there) and completed the show. It's funny actually, because I spend most of the show lying on my stomach. I'm look kind of like Carrie Bradshaw fromSex and the Citywhen I do my notes, only you know fatter, with less hair and drunk at 9 in the morning. Plus, I have a bottle of Jack in one hand, no cigarette in the other.
So sports this weekend was a real mess. I mean, we could discuss the Bears but what's there even left to say. It's the saddest state of affairs and short of scrapping everything, it's not getting better. You know what else was a mess this weekend, the Best Bet of the Week. Crashing and burning once again, this weekend more than likely ended up leaving people with no money to spend on Christmas gifts. However, in an upcoming Christmas miracle, Abe finally took the blame himself for the loss. Of course, this was a loaded acceptance as there was a reason behind this. He stopped using his strategy that made him a winner (insert eye roll.) So, he offered Angi two options as a recourse, either A or B. Choosing the A pill meant Abe would return to his winning strategy. Choosing the B pill means that the Best Bet of the Week is getting a shake up. Angi obviously went with plan B and created a new version of the Best Bet of the Week in doing so. Abe put out a calling for the biggest degenerate gambler, a total loser, an actual mush. He was found in listener Joe the ATM Machine, who will now be making the Best Bet of the Week. On Friday, Joe will ring in with his garbage bet and spoiler alert, Abe and everyone else will bet against Joe. This virtually guarantees a win right? Well that or I'm going to be back here again next Monday writing up Abe's latest excuse of why things went wrong.
Lastly, who is the most famous person that follows you on Twitter. This was a question posed by Angi, who more than likely dreamed this question up because Abe continues to mention that Drew McIntyre, former jobber turned indie wrestler turned WWE Champion, follows Abe. Who else is on his list, Greta Van Fleet, Ronda Rousey (who Abe once accidentally blocked,) and Scott Hall. As for Angi, her list is not as impressive (yeah, let's go with that, I know she reads this and she knows I'm rolling my eyes.) She's followed by The Bella Twins, Richard Roeper, Jemele Hill and her most famous imo Ken Jeong. Abe also mentioned that she's followed by a bunch of NBA players who are probably just looking to smash the Serbian princess. As for the listeners, Lars from Metallica, Dave Navarro and Guy Fieri made up their lists. As for me, I've got no one as exciting beside local celebs, a few video game companies and Tan Mom. However, I have a close friend ARod (not the baseball player,) who is followed by Lindsay Lohan on Instagram (who is one of 13 people she follows.) Do you have a famous follower, feel free to hit Abe and Angi on their socials.
Other Topics:
George Clooney, beloved actor and noted millionaire revealed a secret this past weekend. He cuts his own hair with the Flowbee, the vacuum hair trimming system we've all heard of but none of us probably own. This inspired a posed question about As Seen on TV products. Does Abe own any, Angi pondered. In fact, he has bought some. The Gazelle that Tony Little hocked, Body by Jake, Abe is a sucker for these dumb things. Angi was less of a buyer and more of someone who was fascinated by the hosts and their ability to sell this garbage, going as far as to call them compelling even. This led to a discussion onShark Tank, which is essentially the new As Seen on TV. In fact, Angi has actually bought these paint cans that appeared onShark Tank. The whole point of this though is getting to one of the many Abe Kanan ideas. Clean Bathrooms (trademarked by Mr. Kanan) is something the post pandemic world needs. These stand alone bathrooms would be placed in public and for a fee ($3 to stand, $6 to sit,) you would get to use a clean, idyllic bathroom and not have to worry about touching or getting anything disgusting on you. Angi pointed out that this might get stolen so Abe gave the exact date and time and threatened to sue anyone who would dare take this apparent gold mine of an idea.
What is the one thing that your kid wants for Christmas? Angi's 15 year old daughter is very spoiled so she couldn't want something outlandish right? Well, she finally got her list and on the top was a Razor Phone or a Sidekick. Angi priced wanna be Paris Hilton's choice gift and came to find out that they cost $1,400. Abe made a point of how he got a Sidekick for free and thought it was just too big. Angi was just shocked to see that they still sold them. She might end up just settling on the 2 rare Fall Out Boy albums on vinyl that she wanted instead. As for listener Rick, his kid asked for a disposable camera that you could refill with film. Her want is really a 35 MM camera. For the record, he intends to buy it for her. What about your kids, what do they want? Let Angi and Abe know on their socials all about what stupid expensive thing that they desire. All I want for Christmas is handles of Captain White, Kraken and like cash, you know, like a normal functioning alcoholic.
In today's Drunk Ninja news, an intoxicated woman stole a UHaul truck and decided that it needed to be taken to a car wash because you know, reasons. While trying to enter, she got stuck because she couldn't make the clearance. After trying valiantly but without any form of success, to move the stolen truck back and forth out of the car wash, the power had to be cut and when she left the truck, she was promptly arrested. Charged with a DUI and possession of stolen property, the true tragedy here is not knowing why she stole the truck in the first place.
Finally, do you have a cheap friend, if so, how cheap are they exactly. Before getting to the real meat of this question, Abe decided to dissect a little bit at first. He went on about those who when splitting the bill, asking about the amount they owe because they have no intention of actually paying the full amount. This topic was brought on by cheap people who didn't want to pay for photographers for their wedding day and so, to bypass their cheapness, they told their friends they were making it into a contest. They wanted all their friends to take photos at the wedding, so they in turn could pick and choose and create their own wedding photos and not have to pay. Angi talked about someone who used to wash and reuse disposable plastic bags. Tom from Oakbrook, his friend would play "Freebird" three times in a row on a jukebox to get the best bang for his buck at the bar. Tami's mom once bought Q-Tips from a store and then proceeded to turn around and return them because they went on sale and it would save her 50 cents. Then there was listener Jacob who complained about his wife being cheap and then proceeded to swear. As I like to throw in my 2 cents with these things, I have a friend who I'll leave nameless just in case, who used to wash and reuse plastic silverware. He was also notorious for taking home leftover pizza whenever he paid for it while at friend's houses.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"If you're a loser, you could write letters to women in prison and try to bang them" - Abe
"There should be a rule, you should not be allowed to buy yourself stuff from October until January" - Angi
"I always want to go to the casino" - Abe
"Why don't you (Angi) do an OnlyFans page and show all your stuff" - Abe "All my stuff!" - Angi