It's a new week, another fresh step forward into counting down days that never seem right anymore but take us one step closer to this dumpster fire year being over. Excited, curious, a little sleepy, we're all there with you so let's get into it.
Guess what? What is now the ultimate reality for the world we live in, Abe and Angi are home again this week due to covid lockdown. For the listening audience, this isn't that much of a big deal as you'll still get to drown your earholes in plenty of morning bobs and bits but for them, this is not at all delightful. Being stuck in the basement studios, spending literal days/weeks waiting for the ability to enter the studio and provide an amazing show, it truly sucks. People please, I preach a lot anytime covid comes up but wear a mask, distance from others and try to avoid gatherings. The farther we fall, the longer it will be before we can do cool things. That said, there is a second highly effective vaccine being touted now, the end of this year can't come fast enough and hopefully the next will give us amazing times to celebrate with our two favorite morning hosts once we can get vaccinated and go outside.
So, in what was an absolute shock to no one because this is how that wacky scale pendulum that is life works, Abe nailed his Best Bet of the Week once more. The Friday morning messiah hit it big and if you followed the advice given, you know cashing out the 401k, selling the Thanksgiving turkey and fixing and smashing your change jar, you got so lucky yesterday afternoon. Now that you're rolling in paper, we should look at the stats. Abe is 3 and 2 (we're apparently overlooking Mama Kanan's loss I think,) so if you've been riding the degenerate rails, you're sort of on the up right now. Will the train continue to ride, will the money be flowing like Jack Daniels on a Friday afternoon the moment you get home from work. Get that cash ready for this upcoming Friday when the newest Best Bet of the Week is unveiled. Until then, let's spend the rest of the week watching Abe's ego grow to massive levels and hope his head doesn't explode.
Finally, Abe Kanan show mascot and beloved local celeb Ozzie Guillén made Abe and Angi's day by retweeting a video of Abe doing his Ozzie impression. The assumption of course is that Ozzie didn't listen to the video because in it Ozzie Abe was discussing José Abreu ass and of course, comparing it to the show's resident pin up girl Machado. However, this was the only thing that came from this, in turn to this shockingly interesting development, Ozzie Guillén Jr. started following both Angi and Abe on Twitter. It should be noted that Jr. did slide into Angi's DM's but they were not thirsty DM's unfortunately. I mean, could anything good have come from this morning at all overall. Angi and Abe are stuck at home, Abe's ego is being stoked and now we don't even get some hot, thirsty DM's. Just awful, welcome to a new week everyone.
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Here's a little something fun for this garbage morning. Even though they're dead, people love throwing fistfuls of money at celebrities. Partying up in Heaven or essentially doing the same thing in Hell, these guys are still non stop money trains. Death does not stop the almighty dollar and people's want to throw fistfuls of cash at them and so here's a list of this year's highest earning dead celebrities. Counting backwards, because then you get to guess and enjoy their descent to rise, here they are: Prince, John Lennon, Bob Marley, Juice Wrld, Kobe Bryant, Elvis, Arnold Palmer, Charles Schultz, Dr. Seuss and Michael Jackson. Just think of how much money they would be making if they had thrown their money behind Abe's Best Bet of the Week!?
So, what kind of sick depraved stuff did America look for during the election week? I don't mean like fun news stuff either because that in my mind fits exactly what I said. I'm talking about porn, our favorite smutty friend that will always bring us all together. According to Pornhub, some of the terms looked for in some states are about as strange as you can imagine while some are as bland as you'd assume. Here in Illinois, we apparently were looking for "THOT" porn on that fateful day. Indiana, home of those who love to rock, they were seeking "goths." Other notable searches are notable because of how weird they were. This included "succubus" in Oregon, "yoga pants" in Iowa, "Fortnite" in New Mexico, "pumpkin" in North Dakota and there are a few that are too hot for the radio in the list (and in turn, too hot for my notes.) That said, the one thing that stood out in this whole list, Louisiana went looking for "Popeyes," which makes me wonder if they accidentally somehow mixed up Pornhub with Yelp.
As part of our daily segment where being anonymous allows for confessional soul cleansing, today's is a doozy. An anonymous DM asked for her confession to be read in Abe's Ozzie Guillén voice because she felt even speaking out anonymously would have her found out. This girl is hating on her roommate because she is running around being a life coach but at the same time she cheated on her boyfriend and is essentially a slob. So, to get revenge, the roommate is creating fake accounts and leaving bad reviews about her roommate/friend. This is messy with a capital gross, these two are the worst.
Remember Tower Records, that store where you would spend time as a kid and teen, marveling over all the cool CD's and videos contained within? Well, they are returning as an online only shop, due mostly in part to a big push from last year's SXSW festival in which people fell in love with a shop that was, let's be realistic, overpriced and went under for a good reason. Abe and Angi were a bit baffled by the return, noting that music can be gotten anywhere nowadays and really, the biggest selling point of the store originally was walking around and browsing to begin with.
Lastly, as it's Monday, he who shall never be satisfied, Head Roadie of A-Holes Angry Bob checked in as he does each Monday. Today, it was an email where he complained about the Grinch picture used for his Head Roadie pic, complained about Conrad and asked for the "Name the Turkey" bit to be canceled (something never done before but now just might be because it sounds so dumb.)
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"Has anyone gotten lung cancer from weed?" - Abe
"I have dignity and pride and that type of thing" - Abe
"You're (Abe) like the panty dropper in the room, you walk in and panties just start dropping everywhere." - Angi
"Here's my Best Bet of the Year, the Bears won't win The Superbowl this year!" - Abe