I wanted to start today by posing a qwerstion (as Abe likes to say.) What do Christmas trees, elevators, air purifiers and almonds all have in common? If you have been listening to the show for the last two days, you would know that each of these things is out to get Angi. This morning, we learned that Angi was almost murdered by her air purifier and then during the show, she almost choked to death on an almond (insert choking to death on nuts comment here.) As much as we love Angi, clearly she's kind of on the klutzy side so a lot of this can be explained away but this might be the start of a bigger trend overall. All I have to add on this is, "watch out Angi girl, you in danger!"
As far as special guests go, Kermit the Frog called in to discuss an incident that occurred between him and his mother (Mrs. Frog I'd assume.) While explaining that he wasn't going to be coming home for the holidays, covid and all making this a reality for most people, he got into a heated discussion with his mother. After his mother insulted his wife, he ended up calling her a bitch or as he emphasised, a huge bitch. His reason for calling in was he simply wanted to discuss it with someone and he really had no one he could tell. Kermit btw also had plenty of jokes, you know about how he eats ham and such. Listeners were asked to call and chime in with their thoughts on this whole mess. Listener Eric felt that he had done the right thing as he was supporting his wife after all. Head Roadie Angry Bob called in to disagree, saying he would have never called his mother a bitch and would kill his kids if they did such a thing. He was also notably calmer, a literal first when it comes to Angry Bob who showed a softer side for the second time. Listener Jeff felt that the issue should be dealt with by the wife and the mother, which seems reasonable so that's clearly the worst option. I should probably cap this point by mentioning that it wasn't the real Kermit the Frog but since the station can't afford a voice changer, doing the voice was the next best thing that could be done.
Finally, tomorrow is Friday and even though it's the day where chainsaws are tossed out for fun, it also means the return of The Worst(Best) Bet of the Week. That's right, it's time to cash out your 401k, sell all that fine China you won't be using for Thanksgiving this year and pool together all the money you're no longer wasting on ride shares going to concerts and get ready to let it ride. Sure, Abe is 2 - 2 for the season so far but this week, he won't let us down, right. I'll assume by the sound of crickets I heard that I was a little too hasty in handing out the Friday Morning Messiah title last week but we shall see come tomorrow.
Other Topics:
Overly hated (with good reason) ticket peddler Ticketmaster revealed their plans to make returning to concerts safe again. When they finally do resume, you will need to show that you don't have covid and that you've been free and clear for at least 48 hours prior to showing up for a show. Of course, this led to Abe discussing yet another, as I like to refer to them, Abe Kanan Business Ideas. Picture it, you want to hook up with someone but you don't know their STD status. Well, with this new business venture, Abe has you covered. Clean Junk Twitter, where you get your own special checkmark on Twitter to showcase that your junk is clean. Of all the million dollar ideas Abe has had, this is surely one.
Speaking of covid results, it turns out that there is now a black market for them. Since people are essentially all scumbags and can't be trusted to wear a mask or you know, attempt to try to stop the spread of the disease, a loophole to make money was found. This is mainly a problem in Europe right now where it seems showcasing these forms of not being sick are a hot ticket. Just think, if people would wear a mask and social distance, god only knows the lengths that would not need to be gone to. However, this led Abe to comment that once again, he will not go anywhere but Vegas.
Lastly, Anonymous Confessions are apparently so hot, look for it to maybe become a permanent fixture on the show. After the earlier call from Kermit the Frog, an anon called in sporting a very convincing Australian accent to discuss that he got into a fist fight with his friend way back in the day. They were able to see past their differences and things became okay but buried somewhere in this deep seeded childhood trauma was the realization that he kissed his friends girlfriend on the playground. So, do you have something you'd like to secretly confess, can you do an accent or a character voice to disguise who you really are. Call in, Angi and Abe are ready and waiting to dissect all your sins and secrets.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"I had a bidet before it was cool." - Abe
"The people that will knock you out for toilet paper are the same people who will kill you over a TV on Black Friday or something." - Angi
"Why does he want a job anyway, shouldn't he be retired and watching like Matlock or something." - Angi
Abe Kanan Thought - Don't leave you kids an inheritance or anything for that matter.
"Until you have a million dollars in your bank account, don't get a face tattoo." - Abe
"I'm exotic, I could pass for every race" - Abe
"Miss piggy, if you think about it, she was kinda hot" - Abe
"If my daughter ever called me a bitch I'd be mortified ... and I'd probably beat the breaks off her" - Angi
Abe Kanan Thought: Ham is better than turkey (hey Angi, keep in mind that we're giving away hams when you mention that turkey is better.)
Angry Bob is not a plant or a show worker, to prove this point his picture will be added to the Head Roadie section of the 95.5 website. Followup: A picture was sent of Kermit's frog hole with a response that he would never send a real picture of himself to the show. So, if you're curious to see what we assume Angry Bob looks like, check out the Head Roadie page here on the website.