This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Opening Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Well, the last day of actual beautiful sunny and warm weather has arrived so instead of reading these notes, you probably should be outside drinking in the last ounces of D you're going to get from that glowing hot ball of magma for a few months. Once you get that out of the way and are instead hiding indoors until like May, pick these notes back up and listen to this tale that is almost as tragic as the time the Hindenburg exploded while Angi was visiting New Jersey. Seeing as this has been a momentous year for Angi (including tonight when she goes to see Mötley Crüe and sit on Tommy Lee's lap while she does cocaine off his drum kit) like how she finally became old enough to join AARP. However, as we all know, Angi is a bit greedy and so being in one club is clearly not enough for her so kick back and hear about how she joined another exclusive one yesterday afternoon. Angi was enjoying some mother/daughter one on one time where they found themselves shopping and doing whatever else it is chicks do when they go out together. The thing was, at the tail end of the shopping trip, Angi found herself with a wonky tummy. The rumbles were enough for her to stare at the lady at the register in hopes that she could transmit telepathically to get it moving because the girl had to go. As they walked the block that was between her and her squat box, Angi started to walk faster. She had her keys in hand as she made it up the stairs but unfortunately time had run out and she was given the run(ner up) prize. That's right, the stairs were too much for Angi's stomach and she ended up sharting with each stumble she made up the stairs. Once inside, she ran with her tight leggings filled with wavy gravy and after finally getting into the bathroom, she cleared out and cleaned up. Being someone who is honest, she told her daughter what happened but made her swear not to tell Jay the Straight as there needs to be some semblance of sexy left in their relationship because otherwise a 24 year old is taking her place. However, while sitting on the couch and watching TV, her daughter noted that a person on the show seemed to have sharted herself (well played Taylor child.) To make Angi feel better, Mike offered that he once pooped himself so bad that he had to strip outside of a hospital that he was attempting to get into when he was sick. Anyway, congrats Angi, you may never get into the radio hall of fame but at least you got into another fun little club.
Call in Main Point:
Right, in another moment of utter confusion for me, a roadie came to THIS SHOW (let that sink in) for advice again. Roadie Brayden is currently in a row with his roommate over the shower. Brayden gets up at 5 and his roommate at 5:45. For whatever reason though, their shower only offers up 15 mins of hot water before it needs a reboot. Brayden takes 10 of those minutes and the other 5 go to the roommate and well, that feels a little unfair. As it is, a 10 minute shower is short but 5 is even worse. Before we answer the question on whether or not Brayden is the bad guy, it should be noted that the roommate's uncle owns the house that they rent. We had a few varying thoughts from our crew starting with the only agreed upon which is something is wrong with the heater. Either it is too small or it is broken in some way. Angi said that she herself showers the night before but that's also because she gets up so early and cherishes each moment of sleep she gets. Also hot showers do a number on Angi and make her tired so she does her shower and then passes right out after. However, that could be an issue of neither wanting to do that so we moved on to Marris. Marris said they should do a scheduled rotation of morning/night showers so everyone technically gets something. Angi though said if she is getting in there, she's taking all the hot water regardless so why not just do that and say screw the roommate. Mike kind of traveled down that path suggesting Brayden kill his roommate or at the very least, move out (without talking to Brayden, we can't tell if it is an option or not.) Perhaps the answer lies in getting a better water heater and Mariss said to talk to the uncle (while pushing his rotation narrative again.) Angi then suggested showering at the gym while Mike said do it at a Buc-ee's though the closest one is like an hour from here. We then discussed showering with lot lizards and how dropping the soap at a Buc-ee's can't be great but Mike did add that their bathrooms are top notch. Seeing as this was the most helpful advice we could muster, we went to the Request Line for more solutions. Shout out to the roadie who was shocked that I didn't suggest the pair showering together but I've seen enough art house films to know that no one ends up clean after one of those. Head Roadie Bob said that if the house has existed for a while, the thermostat might be going bad. Angi then came up with a better idea, forget replacing the thermostat, the pair could just have a hot bath one after the other, a nice human bacteria frape (otherwise known as a hot tub.) Dan said if the heater is too small, get a tankless water heater. It costs $700-$800 but they can take it if they ever move out. George said he was born in Mexico and his grandma would boil them hot water and he suggested doing the same for the roommate as a nice gesture after he steals all the hot water.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
Now, on this show, we love rampant consumerism and wasting money so all these track to finish out today's notes. Spirit Halloween, the ghost that inhabits the shells of former stores like Circuit City, Sears and that Liquor Barn in Angi's old neighborhood are looking to expand their staple stores. Obviously, Spirit Halloween pops up for like 2 months and goes back into the ground until the next fall but now, 10 of those corpses will throw on Mariah Carey and a Santa suit to become Spirit Christmas. They will have all the Christmas crap you don't need along with visits from Art the Clown dressed as Santa, a life size gingerbread village and letter writing to Santa. What they won't have is stores here as these test ones are all out in the North East. Angi thinks this is a great idea as it utilizes dead spaces and turns them into a viable institution for a few months. However, she doesn't understand why they don't go bolder and make Spirit Easter, Spirit Valentine's Day, Spirit MLK. Marris explained that they have a trashy place like this already, it is called Party City but Angi wants it hyper focused like Spirit Birthday Party and Spirit Graduation. See, she is trying to help them (sponsor our show Spirit) and sees the value in these pop ups. Two months of year they exist and make absolute bank by selling you a 50 cent costume made in China for a 400 markup and even though you'll wear it once and it will disintegrate, you'll be back next year because you're going to need a new costume again.
Speaking of junk, we've hit peak stupidity because Crocs is now making Crocs for dogs. These are sold in sets of 4 and are obviously smaller since they are made for dogs. Now, Mike said his dog would kill him and Angi agreed. She agreed though because she bought her dogs baby Jordan's and well, they hated her when she put them on them. Marris offered that this was like "Kitten Mittens" come to life and Angi had no idea about them and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. After Marris explained the episode, Angi explained that the dogs will find a way to take their Crocs off. Apparently though fans have been asking for these for years so the $50 price tag won't be an issue. The Crocs go on sale on October 23rd, feature 3 sizes, come in green and pink and will have companion sized ones for the owners. They also glow in the dark so that is fun, right? Well, if you're absolutely obsessed, there is also a Crocs Halloween costume where you can basically dress as a big shoe. Angi will not indulge in any of this by the way as her friend once came over in Crocs and Angi threw her out. They are ugly to her and she will not allow such things in her sight. In her mind, it's like wearing your house slippers outside in public.
Finally, we're hitting up foggy London with the Bears this week and a ton of fans are there. One person not there is Jay the Straight who went the last time the Bears played there. He also went to a strip club that he left and ended up taking brass knuckles to the head after getting into it with some London punks. Still, this incident does not mean we're not doing our weekly DraftKings prop bets (use code Rock955 to get $250 bonus betting money on a $5 bet.) This is getting bad for Marris who now is betting while games are occurring because degeneracy is pumped full on in this studio. As for this week's bets, Angi is throwing $20 on Caleb Williams getting 100+ passing yards in each half and will win $41 if she hits. Marris is using his $5 for DJ Moore with the first touchdown and more than 2 touchdowns all together and will net $110 if he hits.
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap
Mon: Angi wanted to visit a strip club
Choice: Sasa had Angi decide to get a lap dance from the Bozo the Clown stripper.
Result: After reliving her glory days of dating a stripper, Angi decided that she wanted to get back in the saddle one last time. After finding a male strip club that was open at 11 A.M., Angi sauntered in like the big spender that she was. Luckily for her, the club was absolutely popping and as she sat down, a stripper who looked like Bozo the Clown wandered over and was ready to give her a dance. Slightly disgusted, Angi decided to run with it and allowed the man to offer up his nonsense. "Can I get a dance," she yelled at Bozo who in turn replied, "sure thing sweetie, however it's going to be $100." Already uncomfortable and now annoyed that he wanted so much money, Angi decided to roll with it for show content. Pulling out the cash and handing it over, Bozo the Clown signaled for the DJ to play his song. Weirdly enough, it turned out he was going to be dancing to "Run Around" by Blues Traveler and this was far too much for Angi. Reaching down after hitting her breaking point, she grabbed Bozo's bottle of baby oil and squirted it in his eye. As the clown fell backwards, Angi scooped up her cash and ran out of the strip club. (Alive)
Tue: Angi and Marris wanted to watch Saw together
Choice: Larry had Marris decide to bring Angi a tub of Garrett popcorn.
Result: After revealing just how much she hated horror movies and Marris absolutely loved them, Angi decided to push herself to the limit and watch one with him. Picking one of his absolute favorites, Saw, Marris headed over to Floptopia for a movie night with Angi. However, from the moment he walked in the door, he could see that Angi was jumpy. No amount of wine or weed seemed to calm her down and the nerves were coursing through her like a river. Completely anxious, Marris guided Angi to the couch and the pair sat down to indulge in some delicious torture porn. After placing the bucket of Garrett popcorn between them, Marris went to Peacock and pulled up the movie. However, just as the MGM logo appeared and the lion came out roaring, Angi completely freaked out. The overall stress of the impending movie and then the lion's roar had simply been too much for her. Clutching her frankentit chest, Angi fell off the couch and onto the floor. Her heart was not cut out for that much anxiety and so it stopped as her body hit the ground. (Dead)
Wed: Angi wanted to pick up a second awful job for double pay
Choice: Ray had Angi decide to clean the gorilla poop at the zoo.
Result: Seeing as how Marris had 18 jobs and was barely just making more than her, Angi decided it was time to get a secondary garbage job to supplement her income. Luckily for her, awful jobs played double because they suck so Angi picked what sounded the least worst of her given options. This ended up involving cleaning up gorilla poop at the zoo but luckily for Angi, she loved gorillas so it would be cute. Arriving at Lincoln Park Zoo, Angi was overwhelmed by the smell and suddenly found herself less gung ho to follow through on the second job. Still, she was there so she trekked on and made her way over to the gorilla enclosure. The thing was, she could barely clean her own house and so this was going to take some time. Once she saw the gorillas though, Angi's tune changed and she stepped inside with her shovel and baggies. However, the gorillas did not feel the same about her it seemed and once she was near them, they flung piles and piles of dung at her. Covered in gorilla poop, Angi was disgusted and ran out of the enclosure and right into the closest lagoon. Instead of making any money, she instead was covered in water, waste and shouted that she was officially done. (Alive)
Thur: Angi wanted to feed a wild animal
Choice: Taylor had Angi decide to feed a goose.
Result: After being persuaded that feeding a herd of raccoons was possibly not the best idea, Angi decided to opt for the next best thing. As a fan of birds, she ended up ignoring the racing pigeons next door seeing as she was not given a piece of the racing action and so she instead decided to feed geese. Oddly enough, a few of them showed up in Angi's front yard when they heard out that she was handing out Goldfish Crackers like it was Halloween. Going outside, Angi went from goose to goose and made sure each was given a handful of the tasty treats and they were satiated enough to let Angi boop them on the nose. The whole scene was actually pretty happy and cute which was a good thing as some geese are known to be a-holes. However, her perfect afternoon suddenly took a dark turn when a swarm of dark ascended across the skies above her. The black mass was the hundreds of racing pigeons from next door that were furious with Angi for deciding not to feed them. Unfortunately for her, they were not hungry for crackers but flesh and as they dove bomb Angi, the furious birds all pecked her to death. (Dead)
Fri: Angi wanted to do drugs before seeing Mötley Crüe
Choice: Amanda had Angi decide to eat weed brownies.
Result: As she had been waiting for so long, the fact that Angi's time to hang at The Whiskey with Mötley Crüe arriving was so exciting to her. She headed to Los Angeles with a friend and before the pair went to the venue, Angi decided to get turnt on weed brownies. Eating more than the actual amount of food she had consumed that day, Angi was feeling it when she arrived wearing her Mötley Crüe jacket. The thing was, she was feeling a bit too good and so the high made her forget where she was. Seeing a band on stage, Angi instinctively yelled for them to play "Free Bird." This made everyone turn and start to boo her so when the 400 pound bouncer rolled over, Angi's friend pretended she didn't know her. Picking up Angi, the bouncer kicked her out the door and onto the street like she was Charlie Brown's football. Angi even had backstage meet and greet passes but now she was nothing more than a Hollywood reject sitting on a curb waiting for another dream to come to fruition. (Alive)
Request Wars 4.0
Theme: Epic Guitar Solos
Current Champion: Mike (1x)
Marris' Song Choice: "Anastasia" by Slash feat. Myles Kennedy and The Conspirators
Mike's Song Choice: "Lazaretto" by Jack White
Winner: Marris
10 O' Clock Toast:
Toastee: Druggies Helping Cops
Police in Portland pulled over a stolen car Tuesday night to discover a gun, cash, scales and the amazing bag that said "This Bag Is Definitely Not Full of Drugs" and in said bag was Fentayl and Meth. This made Angi reevaluate her water bottle that says "Not Vodka" which every morning is filled with vodka, wine or brown liquor.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"How am I supposed to do cocaine off Tommy Lee's dong with my husband standing over me?" - Angi
"Using your hands is great. That harlot Taylor only uses her mouth ... on men, on garden hoses, on cucumbers, on hair brushes, on bananas, on traffic cones, on your grandpa." - Minn Barb