This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Well, today is another one of those mouthful Friday's as it is Chainsaw Friday and International Women's Day, though combining them together seems unwise. Speaking of combinations, we had a story this morning that started with ragging on Five Guys and ended up revealing a shameful Angi secret in the end. Starting with the place known for their overpriced food but generous fry love, it turns out that people who complained before have even more to be upset about. A recent goer is going viral for posting that a bacon cheeseburger cost $13, the soda to go with it was $3 and the small fries were $6. Marris did add though that the fries might be worth it because they essentially stuff the bag full of them. They are also Old Bay seasoned so you know they taste delicious AF but still. Even though they are filling your small cup and then your bag with scoops of goodness, $6 for a small fry is hard to swallow and borderline highway robbery. The reality is fast food, which even ten years ago was an affordable treat, has now moved into luxury territory. All around the prices have risen and people now consider eating out overspending. The CEO of Five Guys has noticed the rising cost and assured everyone it is because the cost of ingredients to make their food was overpriced ten years ago and now beyond ridiculously priced food. With that settled, it was time for Angi to drop a bombshell. While lying on her couch yesterday, Angi was doing some online shopping. She overlooked the $200 pair of jeans and moved her sights to something she actually needed, wine. I should add that marris was shocked by $200 jeans but he also waits until 60% off is floated before making a purchase. As for the aforementioned wine, the cost of her cheap date apparently went up and Angi was a bit mad. That upset though was nothing compared to the DoorDash order she placed that netted her the same driver as her last order. Since it's Friday, Angi ordered her typical 4 bottles but got a response text from the driver. It seemed that they were down to just 2 bottles at Liquor Barn. Where did the rest of the stock go, you wonder? Well it turns out Angi bought out every other bottle last week for her weekend binge and they had yet to have another delivery to restock the damage she had done.
Other Stuff from Today's Show:
As we heard all morning, it's International Women's Day and though I'm known to drag Angi every chance I get, we really should take time to celebrate women today. Since life is hectic, most women don't have time for self care and so we are here to promote that right now. Take the day to celebrate yourself by getting a coffee, getting your nails done, maybe get someone to watch your awful kids. The reason for stressing to make me time is because 52% of women seem to only get that in the shower. Angi assumed that a long shower is equivalent of the a guy sitting on the toilet for hours. Angi is still baffled at the concept of bathroom lingering as she is no marinater. She is in and out as fast as possible but that is not true of Marris who doom scrolls on his phone, Jay the Straight who takes his laptop in with him and apparently HP who plays games and reads in the bathroom. As part of our interesting contrast showcase, we learned HP takes quick showers but lingers on the bowl. The opposite exists in Angi who will jump off the toilet quickly but live in the shower. Another big difference was baths because HP hates them and Angi loves them. After all, how else would Angi get an hour to watch Netflix, drink bathtub wine and light some candles while not being bothered. In all, 8 in 10 women are in dire need of me time and the time they should be relaxing in the shower is spent stressing instead. This is due to the wandering mind allowing thoughts to run rampant but in those rare instances when they are not considering everything, there is something fun occurring. 1 in 6 women spend their shower imagining that they had won a past argument (because apparently women always need to be right.) Marris felt that perhaps the women should be working on having a she shed instead but Angi insisted there's no room for that nonsense in the city proper. For Angi, a she shed is any dark room with a TV where she can hibernate (aka the living room, the bedroom, etc.) We capped off this woman centric topic with HP telling women to shave their bushes and Angi saying to wash their boxes.
Since the focus is on women, let's talk about another who is having a moment currently. The chick who played the Oompa Loompa in The Willy Wonka Experience (which if you're not familiar, Google it and prepare for shock, awe and laughter.) This woman who was involved in the mess is now on Cameo and as Angi has stated, you can find anyone on there seeking a few bucks, including Spencer Pratt. The meth lab Oompa Loompa lady's name is Kristy Paterson and for $35 dollars, she will give you a personalized message (and some meth candy.) The reason she started a Cameo was due to another woman, former beloved social media terror Chrissy Teigen. $35 is not bad according to Angi when she has paid between $20 and $200 for Jay the Straight to get some cameos from wrestlers because he is clearly not a 50 year old man. If you are wondering, she does dress as the Oompa Loompa for the Cameo and that made Marris feel bad for her because she has to sit in that outfit for hours. Of course, within seconds we were then suggesting that she start an OnlyFans because there has to be a market of kinky pervs who want to see an Oompa Loompa stick a lollipop in her.... Anyway, we celebrate this woman and commend her for being smart enough to snatch her fifteen minutes and use it to secure the bag.
Finally, even though the Lolla lineup is due soon, Riot Fest jumped the line to announce Slayer is reuniting and playing as a headliner for their weekend. Even though they had supposedly called it quits like five years ago, here we are. However, they are not the only offender and so we offer up a few more to close out these show notes.
- KIϟϟ played their "final" show in 2001. They resumed touring a year later. Their "supposed" last show was this past December in NY.
- Elton John played his "final" show in 1977. Two years later he was back on tour and just recently wrapped his "truly final" tour.
- Ozzy Osbourne played his "final" show in 1992 at the Monsters of Rock show Angi was at. He would resume touring three years later.
- Tina Turner played her "final" show in 2008.
- Mötley Crüe played their "final" show in 2015 and even signed a contract. Angi ended up attending their show here a few years back
- Lynyrd Skynyrd is literally a cover band now as 28 band members have died and they're still touring.
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Mon: Angi wanted to hang out with mall walkers
Choice: Courtney had Angi decide to challenge Saggy Boobs Betty to a race.
Result: Reliving her dead mall experience on the show earlier in the morning, Angi decided to use the abandoned area for the better. Though mall walking was usually reserved for people only a year or two older than her, Angi was on board with finally joining the hoards of oldies pounding the mall pavement. Upon entering the mall, Angi was surprised to find a handful of old people shuffling around and "Africa" by Toto playing on the loudspeakers. Stretching her limbs, Angi noticed she was being side eyed by Saggy Boobs Betty who was itching for a race. Never one to back down from a challenge, Angi accepted the unspoken intent. The pair made the other end of the mall the finish line and Angi even decided to give Saggy Boobs Betty a head start. Even with that though, it was no contest and Angi was smoking Saggy Boobs Betty. Just as Angi was about to cross the finish line and win though, a hoard of old people on Rascal scooters appeared next to her. Before she could get out of the way, the scooters all barreled down upon Angi and sent her to the floor. Each one rolled over her limbs until they looked like an exaggerated cartoon and a final one finished the job by crushing her head like one of Gallagher's watermelons. (Dead)
Tue: Angi was forced to work for International Women's Day
Choice: N/A
Result: In an ironic twist that should be expected because it happens so often, instead of enjoying a day off for once, Angi was instead sent to the labor camps to spend hours interviewing, discussing and being a woman with other women. Still, she got to sleep in for an extra two hours so it was technically a win in her book. (N/A)
Wed: Angi wanted to test out her eyesight
Choice: Jeff had Angi decide to fly an airplane.
Result: Normally the things Angi was allowed to do when exercising her story allocated powers were within reason which is probably why she really wanted to test the limits. After no longer seeing the light at the end of the tunnel because cataracts were coming to steal her eyesight, Angi decided that she wanted to do something entirely bold before she became essentially blind. On top of that, she was in her feelings about being 800 years old and wanted to show her haters (Jay the Gay and Marris) that she still had it. "Borrowing" an airplane, Angi was given the reins to fly a plane full of passengers for a short flight. After dressing the part, Angi took over the cockpit and in a weird twist, was actually pretty good at handling a plane. The ride was going so smoothly that the terror the passengers had initially felt was alleviated and Angi began to believe she didn't have cataracts. Midway through the flight though, someone began knocking on the cabin door and so Angi set the autopilot and checked to see who it was. Opening the door, she was shocked to find Terry, The Public Transportation Shark was on board with her. Before she could shut the door, the shark got into the room and bit Angi in half. With the captain incapacitated, the plane nose dived and crashed into a field, killing everyone on board as well. (Dead)
Thur: Angi wanted a threesome with a rock star
Choice: Vanessa had Angi decide to sleep with Steven Tyler.
Result: Jealous of Marris who essentially had offered up he would get into a throuple if the situation was right, Angi decided she too wanted in on the nonsense. Of course, Angi was always extra so she had to up the ante and bring a celebrity into the fold. However, the pickings were kind of slim since everyone was on tour and Angi ended up having to settle on Steven Tyler. The haggard looking rock star arrived in style at Angi's house and after she let him in, she realized it was going to take a lot to go through with the act. Angi, Jay the Straight and Steven Tyler proceeded to drink and smoke for hours while Angi also roofied herself to make sure it would all go as planned. Even though she was high as a kite, drunk as a skunk and roofied more than a (censored celebrity) party, Angi was still regretting agreeing to the nonsense. Still, she was a trooper and so they went to the bedroom and got things started. As the situation got hot and heavy, Steven Tyler decided to impress Angi by pulling out a harmonica. Immediately he started going to town on the handheld instrument and it only took seconds for Angi to lose it. The situation was bad enough but the harmonica sent her over the edge. As he continued to play, Angi grabbed Steven Tyler by his loose skin and dragged him over to her closet. Kicking it open, Angi threw the lead singer into the portal to Hell that pulsated on her floor. (Alive)
Fri: Angi wanted to treat herself to a massage
Choice: Sarah had Angi decide to get a Swedish massage.
Result: Wanting to celebrate International Women's Day properly as she was forced to work to put together a good one earlier in the week, Angi decided to treat herself to a massage. After deciding that a Swedish one would make her forget about the wine shortage and whatever she was mad at Jay the Straight about this time, Angi went into a candle scented room and laid down on the table. As a pair of hands glided across her and worked the kinks out of her back, knees, earlobe and other falling apart extremities, Angi was lost in thought. She dismissed the pigeons next door that were becoming more swole by the day, she forgot about the Harley dealership in her alley, she covered up the mental drain that were the portals to Hell in her closet, she forgot all about her mashed potato knees and frostbitten ear. It seemed like time was going super slow but before she knew it, the masseuse announced that he was done. Angi couldn't believe that it was over and immediately found herself demanding a happy ending. Disgusted at the thought of touching the sagging kitty between Angi's legs, the masseuse instead walked over to the wooden container of boiling hot wax. As Angi complained, the masseuse proceeded to dump the barrel wax all over Angi. For once in her life, everything in Angi's body was stiff but since her air holes were all covered up, she ended up suffocating. (Dead)
Request Wars 3.5
Theme: Women Rockers
Current Champion: Angi (4x)
Angi's Song Choice: “Spiderwebs" by No Doubt
Marris' Song Choice: "Going Under" by Evanescence
Winner: Marris
10 O' Clock Toast:
Toastee: Women
This one is simple, to all the women, ladies, mothers, daughters, aunts, grannies, we salute you today. You are the most amazing thing in almost every life you touch and you should be celebrated not only today but every day.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"Why do you guys (men) sit on the toilet for so long?" - Angi
"This one is for that dinosaur that you work with, Trampasurus Rex. It's time to reup your Valtrex. Also your membership at the whore store." - Minn Barb