This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
It's Chainsaw Friday the 13th which means things should be extra spooky, especially since it is also No Bra Day and if you should know anything about Angi's naturals, they are starting to get low and out of control. I would assume that all this is the reason that a run of the mill topic about showering turned into a discussion on body parts, pet bathing and crushes on cartoon characters. Then again, it could also just be that it is Friday and all the common sense and sanity jumps off the ship the moment the glimpse of the weekend sheds its light in the studio. Anyway, there are apparently three types of people when it comes to showering. There is your get in/get out type because they are busy and have lives to attend to. There are those who spend time in there ones who are getting busy washing their eggplant, drinking shower beers or watching boxing on their laptop so they don't miss a moment of a bout. The last are those who don't shower but those people are awful so let's skip right over that. Before we went off the proverbial deep end, we took a quick glance at some stats. For example, 23% of people brush their teeth while showering. Marris could not do this because he feels like he would drown himself. Angi is not down with it because the water is warm and that's just gross. 80% of women shave their legs because where else would they do it? To be equal opportunists, 18% of men shave their legs in the shower sometimes while 8% do it all the time. 20% of people clean the shower at the same time while using it (count Angi in this pile.) Some people apparently wash their clothes while they shower as well which is just strange. 15% of people shower with their pets and this is where it all started to unravel. We found out that Marris does not shower with Syphilis, his pet gecko that hates him. He feels that is some form of next level love and he could be right because Angi does not shower with her two dogs. She has a proper excuse though, she feels like showering with her dogs would lead to body shaming on their part. With her low hanging ass, tits flopping down to her knees and feet the size of a clowns, they would side eye the hell out of her. Maris was a bit more worried about dog hair clogging the drain but Angi was already hung up on pet judgement by then. For example, Syphilis side eyes Marris for reading comics, playing video games and breathing. Angi's dogs judge her while lying on her because her stomach growls (as it craves chicken) and then they leave her. They also look at her like she's some kind of pig any time she turns the music up. Syphilis does not care about Marris playing music and apparently also does not have a British accent. In Angi's headcanon, all geckos sound British like her boyfriend the Geico gecko. Marris explained to Angi that geckos don't talk though Syphilis used to "yip" before she grew tired of him existing in her living space and now it's just silent treatment. We, of course, were not done with the Geico gecko though because Angi wants (see needs) his number. Between the British accent, being a fine little lizard and the winks she thinks he gives only her, she is completely turned on by the idea of reptilality (is this a thing?) Marris rightfully assumed that if a rock had a British accent, Angi would totally want to bang it. Angi really just wants the gecko, accent or not. She then went after Marris for having a crush on Aquaman, Sailor Donatello, Hentai (in general,) April o' Neil and Casey Jones, the cowboy before finally sending us back around to pet showering once more.
Other Stuff from Today's Show:
Anyway, as you should know and not at all be worried about (unlike you iPhone people whose phones are randomly shutting off in the middle of the night and canceling alarms,) it is Friday the 13th. Now, while people are avoiding cracks, cats and ladders while swinging umbrellas, some people are actually running out to get 666 and broken mirror tattoos. That's right, Friday the 13th apparently is the most popular day of the year to get inked up as another superstition predicts that permanent skin markings bring you good luck. Though I've personally never heard anything like this, Marris has a bunch of friends who do it and getting the number 13 tattooed on Friday the 13th is like finding a bushel of four leaf clovers. It's so popular that there is even a preset menu of simple designs offered up so you can be ushered through like cattle to a tattoo artist who is tired from doing tats all day long. Angi explained that Kat Von D's man Oliver Peck did a marathon session in Dallas in 1995. In 2008, he did 415 number 13 tattoos in 24 hours and I'm assuming none of those people won the lottery. When pressed about if Marris would get another tattoo, seeing as he has sleeves, he said that he would need to seriously consider a proper tattoo to get, no random stuff. I guess this explains why when his friends discuss their ink getting covered up or freshened up, he gives the side eye. Still on the topic, we learned he would not get a girl's name tattooed unless they were together for 10 years. To further add to that, Angi has a J tattooed behind her ear but it could also be mistaken for a fishing hook. If he was to ever (wisely) leave her, she could reference it to the bait shop and Minnesota origins. As for Jay the Straight, he has a A buried on his sleeve that looks like it could stand for the Braves if he ever (wisely) left Angi. She assumes though that she would dump him for screwing up first but if he was smart, he would call up Misty Meadows, his blond 24 year old waiting in the wings girlfriend and run like hell.
Now, there was a lot of nonsense today on the show and most of it involved fake things (like superstitions about Friday the 13th) and so it only seems fitting that our Daily Discussion Topic also tackled being fake. This thought was about fake people on social media, those who pretend to be balling with rented BMW's and fake videos on private jets to showcase their lavish lifestyles. Someone once pointed out a great point about how you don't see Oprah talking about being on a private jet because she's actually rich and therefore does not need to show off, she's using the ride for its intended purpose. Anyway, Angi brought forth ways to spot someone who is "fake rich" and showcased that both she and Marris know people who subscribe to that nonsense lifestyle. One way is the car vs. home. They showcase their expensive cars everywhere but you never see their house because it's a one bedroom studio filled with ramen. With no savings, no financial plan, these people are on vacation in Europe every other weekend. It must be nice to have that much PTO that they can jetset everywhere. These people also crave trendiness and are covered in Gucci due to overspending and a lack of impulse control. Not shocking at all is Marris having no impulse control but those Ninja Turtle comics were totally needed. There is also the jealousy toward the rich, always wanting to keep up with them even if it ends up spiraling them into debt. Another great example is doers and talkers, those who are talkers are the fake rich people with a plan that never goes anywhere while the doers actually have the cash because effort is made. Marris explained how there was a documentary about a rapper leasing Bugattis so they could flex but obviously, nothing was owned and it was all smoke and mirrors. Going to the Request Line, we got swearing and people calling out their friends by name. One roadie was Nick who called out Jake from Romeoville who has 4 to 5 dirt bikes, 3 to 4 cars but still lives with his parents. He also loves to humble brag his $1,500 in his checking account which makes him feel big balling rich. After assuming that Jake's parents pay for everything, Nick swore but not before we asked him to call back next week to see if this bus toss ruined the friendship. Head Roadie Bob has a 60 year old friend named Rob (aka Big G) who was a local rockstar and thinks that he still is. He has a rented Lambo, a handful of cash and gold chains. He has a decent job but flaunts like he is a celebrity when he clearly is not anymore. If you are looking for more roadie thoughts or have your own, hit up our Facebook group (Angi Taylor Show) and drop us a comment.
Finally, new phone screener Prison Tattoo stopped in the studio to discuss Naked Show (aka Naked Attraction.) Before I go further, serious MAX, sponsor the show, we are worth it for all the dong talk Angi does. Anyway, Prison Tattoo was watching Naked Show and was shocked at the level of nudity. Like this was crystal clear HD no hiding flaws panned in nudity. Before going back into body shaming/thirsting, Prison Tattoo, Angi and Marris all said they would not do the show. Angi's hang up is her big clown sized feet that would make guys run away. Another thing that will get you booted according to an episode (but not an issue for Prison Tattoo but definitely for Angi) was ass hair. The sexual deviant misfits suggested if you're going to do the show, you should probably groom and landscape. Like Angi would get a full body wax, spray tan, draw on extra abs and squats. Also, another question was if there was fluffing. Prison Tattoo said he would definitely pump it to plump just so it looks good. If you go full erect, you'd be a perv so you need a proper balance. We then went back to everyone's favorite one legged pirate, Elephant Trunk, who was so hung, Angi saw the tip of Black Beard's One Eyed Willy aka Pirate Jack Elephant before she noticed he had one leg. This show y'all is wild, you need to get to watching it.
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Mon: Angi enjoyed a holiday related day off
Choice: N/A
Result: Honestly, Angi was pretty lucky that iHeart was celebrating (insert holiday of choice that used to be one but is now considered another) because she ended up oversleeping in Vegas. Sure, she was drunk and spent all her money the night before but that was no excuse for her to miss her alarm, flight and every other way to get back on time had there been a show (which there wasn't.) (N/A)
Tue: Angi wanted to ride a ride at Universal
Choice: Sammy had Angi decide to ride the VelociCoaster.
Result: Since promoting upcoming giveaways is paramount to showcasing how awesome winning on Rock 95.5 is, Angi was tasked with going to Universal to film a vlog riding a roller coaster. It was overlooked that she is terrified of heights and that putting a frail old woman on a coaster that goes high up might be an issue but it was assumed everything would be fine. Getting to the park, Angi decided to hop on the VelociCoaster and was ready to tackle her massive fear. After all, this was for the roadies and so she turned on her phone's camera and began to document the experience. It didn't take long though for fear to grip her and as she boarded the ride, Angi was already having second thoughts. She could see the heights she would be rising to and the anxiety began to eat into her. However, Angi was a trooper and so she got in line for the ride and prepared herself for what was to come. Once she was strapped in, anxiety gave way to fear and as the ride climbed ever higher, she started to panic and squirm. Reaching the pinnacle of the ride before the initial drop was to come and the loops in the sky would start, Angi found herself almost inconsolable. She couldn't do it after all, it was all too much. Finding the strap that held her in, Angi undid it and slipped out of the ride. Falling from a height she couldn't even consider, Angi screamed as she plummeted toward the ground. As she connected, as had happened so many times prior, Angi exploded like one of Gallagher's watermelons all over the paved sidewalk. (Dead)
Wed: Angi wanted to go to a Blackhawks game
Choice: Eric had Angi decide to wear a toews jersey
Result: In one of the more shocking things that Angi has never done, apparently going to a Blackhawks game is high on the list. Looking to remedy this clearly huge misjudgement in her life, Angi wanted to finally attend a game. Finding time and tickets due to her influence was easy and she was ready to go cheer on hockey's newest phenomena Connor Bedard. Marris wanted to attend as well but he was too busy dealing with his gecko Syphilis and her threats of locking the doors if he went out. Arriving at the United Center in style, Angi stepped inside and was thrilled by the chill of the ice. Finding her seat, she modeled her Toews jersey to make it seem like she was a natural and not a newbie. As the crowd roared and cheered, Angi found herself getting into the atmosphere and so she broke out the iHeart credit card to buy her whole row some beers. Unfortunately though, another patron overheard and he told another and the train trickled down until the entire section was furious that she had only bought beer for her row. After all, she had Angi Taylor Money and she was just being stingy it seemed. As the crowd booed her, Tommy Hawk came up through the stands with a hockey stick in hand. He too was furious with Angi and as she looked on, he dropped a hockey puck to the floor, lifted his stick and swung it in Angi's direction. The puck made contact after soaring through the air, landing upside Angi's head and sending her to the floor. She was rendered unconscious but the blow to the head did not finish her this time. (Alive)
Thur: Angi wanted to rescue Will Smith
Choice: Linda had Angi decide to dress as Aunt Viv.
Result: Actually feeling bad and no longer wanting to ostracize Will Smith (even though she should,) Angi decided it was up to her to save Will Smith from Jada's rampant tea spilling. Knowing that he would not answer the door to his mansion for just anyone, Angi decided to dress up as Aunt Viv. Forgoing blackface because she already had enough scandals of her own, Angi threw on a power fem suit and got on a plane. While everything about the aesthetic technically worked, you could easily tell that it was not the real Aunt Viv. Still, Angi was determined and so after the plane ride and a trip to a farmers market to get a potato sack, Angi took a cab to Will Smith's house. When she was finally there, she stepped out and snuck in past the open gate and up through the sprawling driveway. Finally at the front door, Angi knocked and was shocked after Will Smith actually came to the door. Before he could say anything, Angi produced the potato sack and tried to get it over his head. Annoyed, Will Smith fired up his smacking hand and beat the brakes off Angi. The first sent her wig flying, the second sent her stumbling and the forty five other ones finally sent her to the floor. Dizzy and confused, Angi looked back at Will Smith one last time before he slammed the door in her face and went back to watching The Talk discuss how Jada's soulmate was Tupac. (Alive)
Fri: Angi wanted to test a superstitious theory
Choice: Jorge had Angi decide to cross paths with a black cat.
Result: Figuring that all superstitions aside from the crazy Serbian ones were nothing but wives tales, Angi decided to show that believing them was silly. Going outside the iHeart building, it didn't take long for Angi to find a stray wayward black cat across the street from her. Approaching it with caution so as to not scare it off, Angi crossed the street slowly. Once on the proper side, she stepped on several cracks and then reached the chonky black cat. It did not move nor hiss so Angi took it as a good sign and reached down to pet the furry little monster. Unfortunately for her, all this was just a clever ruse by the cat who was hoping she would be dumb enough to test a theory about black cats on the most unlucky of days. As soon as Angi was within reach, the cat unveiled its incredibly sharp claws and sprung forward. At once it was on Angi's face and began to claw her eyes out as she attempted to bat it away. It was locked in tight though and as it tore her corneas to shreds, it also bit into her with its sharp fangs. Angi flailed and spun in circles, falling back and forth before finally hitting the ground. With her now completely vulnerable, the cat jumped on Angi and pulled back its paw, bringing it down and slicing open Angi's throat. (Dead)
Request Wars 3.0
Champion: Angi (1x)
Angi's Song Choice: “Runaround” by Van Halen
Marris' Song Choice: "Devil Inside" by INXS
Winner: Marris
10 O' Clock Toast:
Toastee: People Who Work Out
Shout out to Coach Joe (Head Roadie of Wrestling,) Arnold Schwarzenegger, The Fabulous Moolah and Marris' Uncle Jimmy. Though this was actually more suited toward Angi's friend Elizabeth, who is running a 240 mile marathon (because the 27 regular marathons she ran weren't enough.) Marris upstaged Angi by saying he has friends who have done it as she remains confused by people having the time, energy, will power and sobriety to do this. The only running Angi does these days is to the liquor store.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"I'm eating you (Marris) first, I'd be fed for days on that booty." - Angi
"The number one thing that people are afraid of, that trip to the STD clinic after Taylor plays some dirty mouth music on your skin flute." - Minn Barb