This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
So this morning, after an incident which I'll go into detail about in a moment, Angi found herself pondering a question. What exactly is going on inside of Abe's head? More so, she wishes that she could climb inside of his mindspace even though she's sure it is absolutely terrifying. This is nothing new for me because I ask it to myself all the time and have said plenty of times I would pay for the experience. This was spurred on by Abe being on the phone during a song break because he went to buy a soda out of the vending machine and it would just not give it up. I'm assuming he tried all the tricks, shaking it, kicking it, threatening the machine with a switchblade. Either way, the machine didn't budge and Abe did not get his soda satisfaction. It should be noted that the soda cost $3.25 cents so this wasn't him losing like $1.50 or anything of that nature. Enraged and close to a stroke, Abe called the vending machine complaint line to attempt to get his cash back. Meanwhile, Too Rich Taylor suggested that Abe just leave the cash behind and shrug it off. She said this while lighting a cigarette with a $100 bill mind you. While she smoked by the window and listened, she explained that it sounded like Abe was getting audited. After twenty minutes of yelling, cursing, voice changes and frustration, he was told that he couldn't be directly refunded because he used his Apple Pay and the complaint line doesn't handle credit cards. Tossing her cigarette into the trash to set the $100 bill on fire, Angi curiously asked Abe how he expected to be refunded as was. In fact, she was so annoyed that she had to listen to Abe complaining that she wanted $3 as well. Fuming, Abe referred to Angi as Cruella, I'm assuming because Cruella was rich (and skinned dogs but whatever.) Either way, both were annoyed by this point with Angi offering to give Abe $3 for him not making the call in the first place. Abe, patron saint of helping people, said that there is a stuck soda and people need to realize this. He was hell bent on making a sign for the machine while Angi's frustration toward his behavior grew increasingly annoyed. Though she did concede that making a sign was a better idea than making a call since both resulted in him not getting his money back (but with the sign she doesn't need to hear him bitch.) Considering things though, Abe gave up on his sign writing campaign when he realized that there is no one even in the building and him doing it would be pointless. Either way, Abe will never use the vending machine again and they lost his business. Angi doesn't need to use a machine because she only drinks La Croix and Jack Daniels, both which she keeps in the fridge at work (here's a thought Abe, throw some soda in there.) Angi is starting to think that Abe is becoming the old man who yells at you for being on his lawn. Boss man Jimmy Jam seems to agree with her and came in to slip Abe $5 to settle this insanity. Either way, at least I got a fun talking point out of all of this.
All the Rest:
Obviously, everyone knows, the best thing to do on a Tuesday morning is to unpack trauma. Since the show is essentially a roulette wheel of who is going to be spilling something ridiculous off the bat, you're 50/50 on who we get to hear about daily. Today we were treated to an Angi scenario, wherein she explained that she had a weird dream last night. It should be noted though not shocking that Angi has the kind of dreams that a serial killer would have. Her dreams are weird, scary and crazy sometimes, kind of like her mental state after she leaves the show most days. Last night's dream involved her being on a beach (off to a good start) and then wading out into the ocean (no problems yet.) While still in the shallow water, she saw a big octopus which rolled up onto the beach (uh oh.) Once situated, the octopus grabbed a cat and held it upside down by its legs (back on track to okay I see.) Then the octopus bit down into the cat and started to drink its blood like it was a vampire (someone get the looney bin on the phone please.) After waking up from this startling dream sequence, Angi herself had to question if she's crazy. The diagnosis is that she's not only crazy but that there's something wrong with her. The thing is, when she goes to bed, her dreams tend to be messy and upsetting. This is what leads her to being not well rested and in turn, makes her start the day on a bad note. She pondered that if she was about to get normal sleep, how much of a different person she would be. I'd have to agree with her on that, as someone who suffers his own variation of traumatic dreams on occasion (I'm looking at you Sunday night.) Before going into the upsetting dream Abe had, let's give a quick breakdown of what Angi's dream probably meant. The octopus attacking symbolizes being conflicted over something that currently does not have a proper solution. We confirmed what that was in a private conversation so that's one down. On to Abe, who had an upsetting dream last night as well. In his, Abe and his boy Klinger were in the studio together uploading audio. That's it, nothing else to it aside from that. Abe assumed the dream was triggered by Klinger accidentally texting him yesterday and I can see that. However, my interpretation is that this was foreshadowing of The Abe & Klinger Show which means that not only is Angi doomed but so am I as well because that co-host slot was supposed to be mine. Abe did say that he doesn't want Klinger in his dreams (more than likely because it means less time to think about Stamos.) Before closing this out, it should be noted Angi has had sex dreams about co-workers, including show friend Leon Rogers. The walking HR issue told him that she had a sexy dream about him laying pipe and he was amused. Abe told Angi she should keep stuff like that to herself (because there is no fun allowed in the studio.) Whatever, if Jay the Straight didn't care, why should Abe am I right?
The last two major points worth going over today involved clothing and other articles of cloth type you'd find around your house. Basically, as we all know, cleanliness gets us closer to Satan or something so let's go adulting. Angi was curious and asked Abe a question. She was curious as to how often Abe washes his pillowcases. "Not often enough," was a response that I don't think any of us would find shocking coming from him. Luckily, that is not the worst offensive answer as there is 2% (let that sink in) that don't ever wash them (f is wrong you people.) In fact, you're actually supposed to wash your pillowcases at least every two weeks, you filthy pigs. With that in mind, here's a list of other things that you should be washing that you might not be doing as often as you should (or in Abe's case, something you're over washing.) Bath towels should be washed after every 3 or 4 uses. Angi washes hers every 2nd or 3rd useage and Abe washes his every single time after usage. Abe is very clean btw as we came to learn. For example, when he washes his ass, he really washes his ass. In fact, he has a hose and really gets up in there to keep things cleaned. Bras should be washed after every 6 uses. Jeans should be washed as little as possible, even never if that option is available. Abe added the stipulation though that this shouldn't stand in the summer because you end up smelling like the outside and on this show, that smell sends both of them to another realm. Abe suggested putting your jeans in the freezer but for some of us, we have too many liquor bottles in there to fit them. Bed sheets should be washed on a weekly basis. Workout clothes should be washed after every single usage (anyone who doesn't do this is a gross monster.) Kitchen sponges should be replaced every week. Abe chimed in that he has no need for sponges as he has a dishwasher (yeah, her name is Cathy Tropicana.) PJ's should be washed after every 3 uses. Underwear should be washed after each usage. Coats should be done once a season. One should only shampoo their hair 2 or 3 times a week. Angi only washes it once, there was no data given by Abe because he was aloof for a minute on that. Then we got to face washing, which should be twice a day. Angi only does it once but Abe, he does it at least 40 times a day. In fact, Abe even "washes" his face in the sinks at work. This led to a back and forth between the two for the sake of arguing and then we finished up, as we tend to once they've had their fill of going back and forth.
Finally, since we're discussing clothes, Angi was doing laundry the other day and was disheartened to see that a Prince tour shirt she has is disintegrating. It was one that she bought back in the day at a thrift store and one that she's had since the late 90's. It was an original tour shirt for a concert that she was too young to go to at the time. For this reason, Angi shared a piece of motherly advice with her daughter. When going to a concert, always buy the tour shirt. This will be useful for when she is older and is going to look back and want a vintage tour shirt. Hell, her daughter has a "California Girls" shirt from the Katy Perry tour. Then a breakdown of the types of shirts and their overall value was discussed. If you have a tour shirt with a list of every city, that right there is an absolute money shirt. When Abe saw Queen, they had a shirt that said "We Will Rock Chicago" that he didn't get but Mama Kanan did. Abe wears plenty of concert shirts, like one from the "Get a Grip" Aerosmith tour that disintegrated. He also has two shirts from the Van Halen "Balance" tour. There are also shirt regrets that they both have. Angi wishes she would have bought a shirt from the Monsters of Rock tour. Abe wishes he would have grabbed a shirt from when he saw Rage Against the Machine at Alpine Valley. Also there was Pantera shows that Abe went to that he didn't buy shirts from as well that he wishes he did. Then there are special shirts, like the ones from Lollapalooza that have artists doing special one of a kind for that specific festival shirt. Angi btw is not working with Live Nation to sell you shirts and tour merch, she just feels like this is something important that everyone should be getting into. Of course, there's always the easy process of going to Target and just buying a band shirt. Sure, you're a poser loser for doing this but whatever gets the job done, right?
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Leann
Champion Song Choice: "Are You Gonna Be My Girl"
Challenger Song Choice: "Tomorrow"
Observation: I can't tell what's worse here, the song choices or the lackluster smack talk. Nothing else to even add here honestly.
Winner: Leann
10 o' Clock Toast:
Jimmy Jam - He gave Abe a $5 bonus after Abe bitched for 20 mins about the broken soda machine.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "I have a problem with touching things." - Angi
Quote: "I subscribe to Men's Health and it goes right in the garbage when I get it." - Abe
Quote: "If you have multiple restraining orders, it's time to reevaluate your life." - Abe
Duo Quote:
"What's that fancy thing you drink?" - Abe
"Jack Daniels" - angi
Tidbit: PSAbe: Don't let your little girls play with any old men.