This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Today's biggest talking point is huge, seriously I can't remember a time I handled a topic this massive. Wow, I feel like this topic is an absolute mouthful but I'm going to roll up my sleeves and get to work on it. Phew, there is just so much of it though. So, there is a new show on Netflix calledSex/Lifeand Angi is absolutely obsessed. Seriously, she can't get enough of it and neither can I (mind you, I've never seen an episode of it.) A little background on it before we get to what really needs to be discussed about it. So the show centers around a woman who used to be an absolute ho and now she's a reformed good girl. Wait a second, this sounds so familiar for some reason, hmm. Whatever, let's table that for now and get back to the show. This girl goes looking for her ex and well, things get straight debaucherous from there. Seriously, Angi has never seen so much straight absolute sex on TV. This is full on nonstop sex, nudity, full front of both male and female. Abe had to attempt to derail the conversation by asking specific Abe type questions about if you see skin flutes and the skin flute container. Getting to the meat of the topic, there is a scene in the third episode that is a humongous treat. At exactly 19:59 of the episode, a shower scene featuring an Aussie Greek with a girthy hog that hangs lower than a shower curtain is featured. It's an incredible feat that will cause you to break out rulers, tape measures and every camera in your house. Angi (and myself) had to make sure that she paused the scene, she explored every angle of it, googled it, downloaded a 4K HD screenshot packet of it. She called the neighbors, she called the fire department, she called the president, everyone needs to see this colossal piece of art. Moving past the footlong, she had to address that this show is essentially high art porn. Not only does it show everything but it gets down and dirtier than50 Shades of Grey. There are full on literal scenes of manual stimulation that are so detailed, you would think you accidentally turned on the adult movie channel and not Netflix. Seriously, this good girl gone bad always has things up there, hands, toys, the entire contents of her crisper drawer from the fridge (I'm assuming.) While watching this and jumping up and down to showcase her excitement, long suffering show husband Jay the Straight walked in. After landing on the floor and getting on all fours, she excitedly exclaimed that he just had to see this effiel tower of a unit. She played the scene for him and he just laughed (while balling his fist and booking a ticket to Australia for some reason on his phone.) Angi implores for all our roadie men to go check it out and then ask their wives if they've seen it or at least gotten to episode 3 of the show yet. I have this strange feeling that post covid divorce rates are about to skyrocket for some reason. I should add for transparency that Abe had not seen the dong so I made sure to send a 4K high res ultra clear detailed shot of it to our show group text, for research purposes. I did send it right before Don't Kill Angi as well but that definitely couldn't be why Abe flubbed his lines today though, right?
All the Rest:
In not so shocking news as anyone that has ever met the woman should know better by now, Angi missed yet another birthday yesterday. In true Angi fashion, she also went on to ignore the fact that she missed it and decided to make an example of the mistreated friend. This particular friend hates the word "panties." If forced into using them in some form of thought bubble, she will refer to them as "undergarments." The discussion would turn to words that trigger unpleasant responses but first we had to tackle what Abe doesn't like. "Underwears," is on his list, followed by "frontroom." When pressed why the token Midwestern nonsense word "front room" triggers him so, it's because it is a nonsense word and apparently Abe doesn't stand for that. Let that sink in for just a moment. Got it, good. Moving on, it turns out Abe also hates the C word. Ironically, Angi is not bothered by it and kind of likes it. Full disclosure on my part, the C word is my favorite word both as a swear and a general used piece of everyday language. Really, the only time I tend to get in trouble using it is when I've been drinking for 12 hours and I call the host of a party it several times. Moving right along, Angi brought forth a list of gross words that people hate. Sitting high atop that throne of disgust was "moist," which triggers people to no end for some reason. Other things high on this delightful list are "ointment," "creamy," "squid," "squirt," "squelch." I have to pause here because Abe wondered aloud if "squelch" is the sound that your car makes when you get hit by a shell inMario Kart. Yep, yes, uh huh. Also on the list was "phlegm," "smear," "curd" "mucus," and "discharge." That last one was what really got to them and hearing "discharge" made Angi and Abe shudder in their chairs. To push it further, Abe made a point of saying that it actually makes him sick. Let me finish the whole gross point with a sentence, I think that would be fitting right? The squelching sound made by the moist discharge left on the front room floor made Abe throw up on Angi's panties." If this made you sick, then welcome to the club. If it didn't, welcome to being able to not be triggered by something as simple as a word.
Retreading on something we've been over plenty of times before, Abe is never getting married. Sorry Cathy Tropicana, it's just never going to happen and I'm sorry that you've been stuck in this situation for 5 years now. As for why Abe won't be getting married, he just doesn't see the point of it honestly. Since he was being hounded, Abe decided to flip the table on Angi and ask her why she's actually married. She explained that you feel like you're part of a team when you're married and it feels like you've become a family in doing so. This topic found life because some dumb woman went on Instagram and said that other women need to stop marrying men. Her reasoning behind this was because getting married gives nothing but disadvantages to the women and gives a ton of advantages to men. Abe was back on it again, now saying that a lot of women force men to get married. Let me emphasize that for those in the back, women force men to get married. Abe in fact prefers women who do not want to get married, so I guess I retract my poor Cathy point because perhaps this is her jam. Abe explained his feelings further on why marriage is pointless. It's outdated, there's just no point to it and some guys just want to go around and just bang forever. Oh and don't forget there's also that cool last name that you can chance losing. Angi wanted to get rid of hers immediately and so she had no problem becoming Angi Prinzo. Abe said that she didn't need marriage for that, she could have just gone to city hall. Taking to the phone, Levi called to say that if you don't get married, you're leaving a ton of benefits on the table. You can have seperate everything but together you are going to make bank. Over on Twitter, Jeremy said that he didn't really want to get married until recently. Echoing the sentiment of Levi, he married his girlfriend of 10 years so he could get her in on his benefits. Outside of that, he followed Abe in the idea of seeing no point in it.
Finally, let's take a blast to the past which was not at all an excuse for Abe to discuss Stamos. That's right, it's been some time since the boat incident where the two hit a rough patch but guess what, it seems like they are back on good terms. Angi wanted to know about must watch TV shows that existed in the lives of roadies when they were kids and teenagers. Immediately, Abe jumped to mention TGIF and then started playing Jesse and the Rippers. I swear between the airplay and the yogurt commercials, Stamos must be rolling in coins. It should be noted that Angi did not watch Full House to look at Joey Gladstone's junk, I'm assuming because no one knew at the time that he should be starring in the 80's version ofSex/Life. She did like Bob Saget however, if only because he seemed like a good dad and not having one of those makes you admire the ones you see. As for her go to can't miss, it wasBeverly Hills 90210, another staple show for Abe. He did seem confused though as to why hot young twink Brandon was banging geriatric nursing home patient Andrea. I mean sure, he gave Kelly the Canadian bacon but then he also slid between the dry mounds of that grandma Andrea. Turning to the roadies, Angi got plenty of good responses. Erica lovedThe X-Filesbut her parents felt she was way too young to be watching it. Speaking of shows parents tried to keep them from watching, Angi's parents didn't want her getting into the fun that wasThree's Company. Tim likedPerfect Strangers. John was all about TGIF as well, though his favorite wasBoy Meets World. Kevin dugDukes of Hazzardas a kid. Lastly, Jimmy the Bull, former killer of Angi on Don't Kill Angi, loved to watchMission ImpossibleandHogan's Heroes.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Vito
Champion Song Choice: "Master of Puppets"
Challenger Song Choice: "Snuff"
Observation: Vito couldn't be bothered to show up and had Abe come in to read lame insults. Marissa was at work but made it. Easy choice in this one imo.
Winner: Marissa
10 o' Clock Toast:
Netflix. The showSex/Lifehas a massive surprise at 19:53 seconds of episode 3. The lead lady is naked all the time.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "Like if I sit in a computer chair long enough, I can't feel my balls." - Abe
Quote: "We're going to start playing How Can I Kill Abe Today?" - Angi
Quote: "Were hookers and their johns wearing masks during covid?" - Abe