This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Today's main talking point is a real doozy, not in the topic itself but the overwhelming amount of insane content that I have to attempt to dissect here. Angi kicked it all off by discussing engagement rings for men. Which immediately was pounced on by Abe who was curious if two dudes are getting married, who gets the ring? The answer to this by the way is both of them, at least according to Angi. With a two second window opening, Angi posed a question to Abe. Would you wear an engagement ring? (this sounds simple, it becomes a massive mess.) At first he said sure, if it was worth a lot of money. Then, we somehow detoured to a revisit (yeah, go with it) where Abe takes Angi's place in a scenario involving a celebrity buying him shoes. In this instance, Abe has envisioned outspoken canceled treasure Roseanne as the one who desires him to be a sex object. He would take the shoes and maybe let her hit it (you'll see how quickly this hot take explodes later.) Angi tried to explain that it is different for a girl being approached by a guy offering gifts for a good time. She feels forced when it occurs, men sort of run with it for the sake. The thing is, Roseanne wouldn't be able to force Abe into sex because he's a guy and can just walk away. Anyway, we finally steered back into topic territory to explain how overpriced blue box jeweler Tiffany's is making a line of male engagement rings. So the question altered to would you wear one if you were a guy or would you give one to your man if you're a woman? Angi then illustrated the need for this by telling a story from when she was younger. She was living in an apartment building and there was a super hot guy there. She would make small talk with him (but did not dress like a whore to get his attention.) One day, he dropped the fiancee bomb on her and there went her dreams of banging this hot piece. So if you're single and you're going to hit on a girl, you're probably going to be looking for a ring (not really, countered Abe.) Angi explained that if the guy she had been chatting up was wearing one or any guy in general, it may stop them from pursuing. She just wouldn't have made an effort if she knew it was a road to nowhere. For her, branding makes sense and works and for Abe, nope. Finally getting back to the topic, Abe wouldn't wear a male engagement ring because he does not like to wear jewelry. In that regard (and back kinda to the branding point,) Abe doesn't think women should wear them either. Angi, speaking for women, says that girls not only like the rings but the diamond as well. Even though this should have stayed in the lane, we swerved right off again when Abe started to talk about a guy he knew who was a cheater that would always "lose" wedding rings. Circling some more, we came to Abe's belief that the cooler last name should be taken when someone gets married and that the person who makes more money should buy the ring (this sounds so progessive yet coming from Abe, feels ridiculous.) Angi is not a fan of this thought process though because personally, she is "too good" to propose. If a guy proposes, it actually means something. Abe called a foul on this and said that it wasn't fair. (Are you still here? Great cause there's a ton more so keep chugging along.) Abe brought up a point about seeing proposals at the Sox game and the girl saying no. Staged! Angi cried aloud, ruining the fantasy that stupid stuff like this actually happens. That said, she was once proposed to buy a guy she dated for a year and she said no because she wasn't ready for marriage. Finally, after all that, we got to a roadie. Glenn, frequent caller and friend of Angi's brother (who is actually having a wedding ceremony this year) said he would wear a ring but wants it to be like Thanos' gauntlet. In that he meant he wants it to continue gaining jewels over time. Angi argued that girls don't get to have a tossed on extra gems ring but then again, girls rings are also 10x the size. Abe returned to his shoe buying fantasy once more after that, this time Rosie O'Donnell is now buying Abe shoes it seems. Take what I said earlier, replace the names and you get the gist of what was said. Back to track again, kinda, Abe said he wouldn't wear a ring because it would hurt. Pulling off the road and into the grass, Abe yelled that Angi should wear a cast on her t-rex arm and that would be akin to him wearing a ring all the time. Abe then explained that he wears a hat all the time so he doesn't have to fix his hair (what this has to do with anything, I mean come on now, you know where you are.) Abe then explained that this ring thing would be great for gays but not the straights. Back to the hat we went, Abe said he would wear an engagement hat but only sporadically. Abe compared it to getting a tattoo, which he wouldn't do but he would get a shirt with that tattoo on it that he would wear once a week. (Stick with it guys, it's almost done.) We finally got to a second caller named Miguel, who liked the hat idea. In fact, he enhanced it by making it reversible. One side can say engaged, the other would say married. Abe's version from the Kanan Kollection though would just say engaged and nothing so if a hot girl walked by, he could flip it as needed. Anyway, Miguel has a ring that he wears but there's no gems on it due to a fear of falling and breaking it. Lastly, (I know right,) Abe added a secondary accessory to his Kanan Kollection, the engagement scarf.
All the Rest:
Today is Drinko De Mayo and while all of us are out getting drunk, only 11% understand the point of the holiday. It should also be noted that three quarters of people plan to celebrate today. Included in that list is Floyd Mayweather, who loves today more than most. The other big thing about today is that it is the first true big holiday since the vaccine has been introduced and available for everyone. Speaking of vaccination, the city plans on a July 4th reopen, which paves the way for Lollapalooza and Riot Fest to actually occur this summer. Abe was of course wondering if My Chemical Romance would still be playing Riot Fest, since he's totes emo now. You know what people should not be doing though before they go out to party, consume old rotted decomposed mold covered raw meat. Apparently, this absolutely revolting habit is the new fun get high trick. Outside of the obvious fact that you can get sick and or die, there are so many other ways to get high or altered. So put down the rotting meat, the tide pods and the bath salts and pick up a margarita today, for we must celebrate ... umm, something about a battle. Whatever, cheers, let's get hammered.
It's been a while since we had one, so here's a list. This is the first of two from today and this involves celebs who dated each other that you don't remember happening.
Jessica Biel and Chris Evans
Janet Jackson and Matthew McCoughney
Ryan Gosling and Sandra Bullock (before dating Jesse James who cheated with that Nazi.)
Jared Leto and Cameron Diaz (who Angi saw at her ski chalet, along with Joan Cusak.)
(It should be noted Abe mentioned here that Abe doesn't ski cause he has "weak ankles.")
Eddie Murphy and Mel B
Alanis Morrisette and Ryan Reynolds
Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong
Lenny Kravitz and Nicole Kidman
(and saving the biggest shocker for last)
Billy Corgan and Jessica Simpson (girls for some reason love Billy Corgan. He is dark and brooding and she's a moron, it would never have worked.)
Finally, after Jesse Spano Taylor calmed down from mentioning that Dave Grohl will be on the show on Friday, she brought a second list. This involved Rolling Stone's Top 100 sitcoms. Abe and Angi were in agreement twice over. First, by assuming that it only meant network sitcoms and they both picked Seinfeld (#3.) Realizing they could also incorporate cable, they both change it to Curb Your Enthusiasm (#12.) Saved by the Bell and caffeine pills did not make the list. Anyway, here's the top 10.
10. The Larry Sanders Show
9. Parks and Rec
8. The Honeymooners
7. The Mary Tyler Moore Show
6. M*A*S*H*
5. All in the Family
4. I Love Lucy
3. Seinfeld
2. Cheers
1. The Simpsons
With all the talk of cartoons, Angi took issue with it because as an adult, she does not dog them. So sorry Rolling Stone, you're wrong, since Angi hates The Simpsons.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Trystann
Challenger Song Choice: "Holy Diver"
Champion Song Choice: "Stricken"
Observation: This was a trash heap of two bitches that were swinging and gave no f's. This was probably the best version of request wars we've had this week, good stuff.
Winner: Trystann
The 8:30 Call Out:
April called out her soon to be ex-husband's lawyer for just being awful at his job.
Nicole called out partner in crime for banging a girl they were supposed to have a 3some with for months behind her back
Dan called out his wife kathy for dating someone behind his back
Jay the Gay (this guy, right here) called out his high maintenance bitch of a friend who got mad that he took a phone call while he was over at his apartment (because I'm currently grieving.)
10 o' Clock Toast:
The Hispanic Community. Today's your day to celebrate.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "Mexican bands are the best boxing bands." - Abe
Quote: "I don't F with clowns, I don't F with kangaroos." - Angi
Quote: "Does your junk get different when you die, isn't it dead junk?" - Abe
Quote: "I love Budweiser, I love tequila, I love all the alcohols." - Angi
Quote: "We have a bottle of lotion in here, which sounds really weird." - Angi