This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Points:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
This is a big day, a huge day, a momentous day that will be forever etched in our memories. That said, it was also a packed day, with so much to talk about and discuss from the show that these notes will not cover all there is to say.
Let's start with Abe being on vacation, does he take a ton of pictures for the 'Gram. Abe explained that he doesn't because he doesn't want people to know where he's at (smart.) That said, he's usually in Vegas anyway because as we've come to learn, Abe literally will not go anywhere else in the world for various reasons. This was brought forth by today's first list, which was most Instagrammable places in the world. The top 10, going from 10 to 1 were Chicago, London, Sydney, Havannah, Dubai, Istanbul, New York, Paris, the Philippines and Tokyo. This led into a discussion about The Bean, which came after Angi explained why our glorious city made the list. Abe, in typical Abe fashion, unleashed a tirade against The Bean and how much he hates it. He's proud he's never taken a picture in front of The Bean and anyone who takes pics of it and uses them as their profile pic, you're a poser. Also, Navy Pier, you're getting called out as well, you suck outside from tourist visits. The discussion wrapped around to one of the actual best things about Chicago, the architectural boat tour. Abe didn't like this as well, recurring theme as we've seen plenty of times but Angi loves it and the ability to learn and drink is fantastic. I agree with him btw, totally worth doing during the summer when you want to do something interesting.
So Abe has a lot of ideas, A LOT, and in the amount of time I've been with him as his personal secretary, I've seen almost all of them. No, this is notChange Abe's Life, the show where Abe is handed a million dollars and he spends it while allowing viewers to vote on things he should do with it. This new show isn't about him however but two other idiots. You see, political fighting on Facebook is hot and heavy currently (fitting for today.) So Abe's idea involves this fighting between two sides of an argument but instead of using their words, they box each other. Like, they stop throwing words and shades and start throwing punches. You grab the two of them and put them in a cage and let them have at each other. Sure, the show has no title and the prize is really the ability to say you beat your smack talker but this is going to be a million dollar idea surely. After all, Abe has come through with so many business ventures that took off as is, one is surely to land, right?
Finally, a very fun and hot topic, celebrity sex. Former show guest Jenny McCarthy once had sex at the bottom of The Grand Canyon. Beloved teen actor turned hot daddy Zac Efron had sex at prom. Charlie Sheen banging in an Eiffel Tower elevator. Jennifer Lopez was on a balcony outside. Kim Kardashian had sex in a public movie theater (no big shock here, suprised her movie wasn't playing.) Chelsea Handler had sex in a cemetery during a funeral. This led to a discussion about the most disgusting sex, a port a potty, which Abe discussed in disgusting detail. Moving on to our hosts, Abe once had sex in a stairwell at one of his old stations. His assumption was that darling Angi had sex in like a cemetery and even after explaining her best place, he still pushed the cemetery sex. Angi's was on top of the Tribune building and also once had sex on top of a car. She detailed her car sex which took place outside a church (naughty little minx.) Onward to the listeners, what were their prime crazy spots. Head Roadie Erin has sex with a "talent" at an after Wrestlemania afterparty (we need the deets sis.) Mike had sex behind a door display in a Home Depot. Patty had sex on main street of Disney World in a changing room. Daniel had sex on the Chicago Riverwalk. Big Dad banged 180 feet up on top of a water tower (god, Angi and my fear of heights got so triggered.) Frankie got some on the roof of Old Country Buffet. As I like to add in my personal experiences in these notes, my actual sex is pretty vanilla. I will say I did once give a mouth hug through a chain link fence in a strangers yard with me in the yard and the rando outside, through the fence, standing in an alley at 3 A.M.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Case (4x)
Challenger Song Choice: "Cult of Personality"
Champion Song Choice: "How Soon Is Now?"
This was it, Case finally pushed everyone to the absolute limit and they had enough. It didn't even matter what the smack talk was going to be, the people were gunning for Case's emo head and wanted it to roll. He will now return back to his job selling Funko Pop figures at Hot Topic.
Winner: "Cult of Personality"
Other Topics:
Angi once returned to her excitement over the Tiger Woods documentary. It had everything: tea, shade, hoes, Perkin's. Rachel Uchitel apparently had a ton of plastic surgery and she looks very different. Abe was disappointed because she was hot. With an overall lack of Tiger Woods being in it, Abe wondered what the purpose of the show was? Angi attempted to illustrate that the whole thing is a commentary on why Tiger is a mess but Abe's mind was more settled into the idea of finding out all about Tiger's girls. If you're curious to hear about Tiger Woods secret dark life, check out the documentary on HBO.
Have you ever been embarrassed by your parents? Angi had a great story about Dwayne Wade that started originally as an accidental false start (oops.) Wade celebrated his 39th birthday of himself in his birthday suit and his kids were not having it and dragged him in the comments. Angi was all about the v (that carve that leads down to the cash and prizes that fit guys have.) Listener Mike was banging his lady and his son walked in on them. He explained it away that he was putting medicine on mommy's back. This led to a flashback from Angi walking in on her mom and husband and Mike explained that he peeked in on his parents once (vomit.) The topic flipped to have you ever walked in on your parents. Angi explained that she once walked in on her mom and her than husband A-Hole and they were having freaky sex on a Bowflex. This tapered off and went nowhere (as some topics tend to do on this show.)
Lastly, a list to cap off the notes. The best and worst states to drive in based on gas, insurance prices, commute times, etc. Texas and Indiana made the list and Abe wasn't having it (as usual.) He explained that Indiana has death roads that lead to dead ends and fall off a cliff. The other best outside of Indiana and Texas are North Carolina, Iowa, Tennessee, Kentucky, Maine, Idaho, South Dakota and Ohio. Abe assumed this was based on cheap gas and terrible views. The 10 worst are Hawaii, California, Washington, Maryland, Delaware, Rhode Island, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, New Jersey and Colorado. Abe again assumed that gas played the culprit here because a lot of these places have great views. It should be noted that Abe feels that Illinois is the worst state to drive in (outside of Lake Shore Drive.) Angi does not agree with this list either. Personally, most lists are stupid because most people who compose them or are polled about them are idiots.
10 o' Clock Toast:
El Rockquero. He ended Case's reign of terror on Request Wars because if Angi had to hear The Smiths today, she would have jumped out the 27th floor window.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "Why do women do that (plastic surgery?) I feel like they regret it." - Abe
Quote: "If I won $970 million dollars, I'm not making it 20 years." - Angi
Quote: "If you have The Bean in your profile pic, you're a poser Chicagoan." Abe
Quote: "It's Chicago, there's a bar in this studio right now, there's a bar everywhere." - Angi (local drunk)
Quote: "Dana White is coming for you." - Abe / "I Don't want him to do that for me." - Angi
Quote: "Why is (Abe's) Ozzy into champagne sprays on asses on all fours?" - Abe
Quote: "Can you pardon someone before you leave office?" - Abe (confused apparently)
Quote: "If I'm able to dunk at some point this year, I'm guarantee I'll have the v." - Abe