This morning was a lot, I mean there was so much to take in on the show it's hard to even grasp how I'm going to pull it all together. If I was Stefon from SNL, it would go something like "The Angi Taylor Show had everything this morning: Van Kanan, enemas, pregnancy sex, Dolly Parton, drunk ninjas, Wolfie Van Halen, disgusting food orders, beards and a new Head Roadie."
The biggest part of this morning's show belonged to Wolfgang Van Halen or as Abe pointed out off the bat, he wanted to probably be called Wolfie. Wolf, in turn, said he was fine with any of the variations of his name. Things that were discussed during the interview included but were not limited to his single "Distance" hitting number 1 on iTunes after being released for a day, his mom always telling him he was enamoured with music even at a young age, how he realized his dad was famous after seeing him on CD's, that all the money from his single will be going to charity and that he played all the instruments on his upcoming album. Abe also chimed in that he saw the first show Wolf played with Van Halen and he suggested Mammoth WVH should open up for AC/DC. If you want to hear the other parts of the interview, feel free to go listen to it on the site once you're done running a finger through these notes.
Angi brought up a point about people not being attracted to beards, mainly because Abe has a beard. If you assumed this would stay normal and go down the typical road, boy did you blow that bet. Somehow this devolved into a mess of discussion that latched onto Angi's husband Jay the Straight, who has no hair on his head but can grow a fantastic beard. Of course, Abe had to ask about all his other hair and since Jay the Straight is a noted Italian, it's apparently everywhere else. Angi did confirm that though it's well maintained and taken care of, via waxing. I keep saying that Abe is a secret gay and trust me, this whole conversation did not help kill my suspicions.
Lastly, earlier in the week roadie Tony from Michigan City called in asking for a Head Roadie title. After enraging both me and the imaginary powers that be by throwing out titles like Mardi Gras beads last week, they decided he needed to do the work and showcase it next week to attempt to grab onto that Head Roadie title belt. Well, it turns out, we didn't need to wait long for that to occur as he checked in today to showcase his merits. After giving a laundry list of deeds, Angi and Abe deemed him worthy and bestowed upon him the title of Head Roadie of Sound Guys.
Other Topics:
So, Abe did an incredibly nice thing for Angi this morning. She received a letter fromPeoplemagazine that explained that Abe had decided to step aside and allow someone else to take the spot of Sexiest Man Alive this year. Rumors had swirled prior to the reveal (including a guesstimate that didn't pay off in my notes yesterday morning) and it turns out that Michael B Jordan was crowned this year's hottie. Thanks for your service Abe, we appreciate you passing on your robe and scepter.
Is there anyone that you find ugly hot, by which I mean they are attractive but not in the traditional sense of the word. For Angi, it's Russell Brand but then again, basically anyone with a British accent is going to flood her basement and since she doesn't wear drawers, we can just throw her chair out. Abe's ideal ugly hot was Lori from Shark Tank, who, while not a supermodel, does well with what she's working with. For me, in case you were wondering, it's WWE superstar Sami Zayn who currently looks like a cross between a ginger Cuban dictator and like Seth Rogen's brother. Furry dad bodesque, yes please.
Does Abe have an ideal amount of money that he would want in the bank? Would the 2 million dollar sum he came up with actually keep him happy and afloat. This came about while a discussion on Elon Musk making the richest man club was being discussed. After his net worth was revealed to be 117.5 billion, Elon now takes the stage as the third wealthiest man in the world, knocking out lizard king Mark Zuckerberg. The top two of course remain Amazon overlord Jeff Bezos and Microsoft philanthropist Bill Gates. My ideal money point has always been 37 million because I felt that was just enough to keep me secure, help me help those I care about and of course last me long enough to die six months later from alcohol poisoning.
Finally, The Abe Kanan Sandwich, the one that doesn't exist anywhere but inside his head where it probably belongs (due to the fact that it could kill someone) is broken down like this: extra cheese, extra mayo, extra bacon. You don't want one of those things, you need to tell them that they need to remove them. Why did we ponder Abe's perfect sandwich? Chipotle is giving away $10,000 and a chance to make your order famous if you put it up on Tik Tok. Unfortunately for Abe, they don't have his listed ingredients but perhaps he can just create The Abe Kanan Bowl, which is just meat on top of meat on top of meat and covered in meat. Ah, sweet delicious heart attack.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"Oh, do gay dudes get a lot of enemas?" "That's not fair, the tops just get to come in, no enema" "Isn't the gay guy who gets the enema just getting ahead of himself? "For me, an enema would last what, nine minutes?" - Abe (secret gay)
"If I had a baby in my stomach, I wouldn't want anyone creeping up on my areas" - Abe
"If you're listening to this and you ate placenta, come on, you have issues." - Abe
"Couldn't we build a fire around Chicago so no one could get in?" - Abe
"How's his back, ass and bush?" - Abe inquiring about Jay the Straight.
"If you're considering watching the Terry Bradshaw reality show, you're in trouble." - Abe